You know my name, not my story.

This blog is a part of my life. This is who I am, my goals, my dreams and my fuck ups.

Thursday, November 5, 2009

Cheats, tips and Comments

Ok so I'm just going to start off by saying My fresh start fast was doing good but i cheated twice. One good cheat and one bad cheat. So bad news first. I binged. A lot. My first under 800 day was great. I stayed under 800 around 775. So that was good. I lost a pound. 108. The under 700 day was....not so good. I tried to not eat most of the day then lunch came. It's the hardest time for me. People constantly offer me food. i try to go to the library but it was closed all of this week. So when someone offered me french fries (one of my many weaknesses) i took one. Or Three. Possible four at the most. Then 2 classes later my class had a party with lots of sweets. Cookies, cupcakes you name it, I ate it. ugh. Then got home and binged some more. Ugh. Ok, bad news over, now for the good cheat. Since i did crappy, I'm trying to do a water fast today. I say try because if I'm to end up binging I'm going to eat some granola-220 to hopefully avoid it. Now for some tips...

Constantly keep you arms and hands moving. If your like me and in school most of the day, twitch your foot. tap your fingers, twirl your hair, sooner or later you're going to burn something.

Then at night if you have a fan in your room have it blow on you all night. Crack open your window a tiny bit. Let yourself freeze. If your going to be sleeping might as well as burn something. Also for those who self harm, i was thinking maybe this would be a better form? I'm not really sure since i don't self harm but maybe... Because it's kinda could be a punishment if you make it one. Like if you complete your goals for the day you get a blanket, if you fail you get a tiny tee and and short shorts. Especially winter air. You will be shivering in no time. To bed i wear the lightest Cami I own and The shortest shorts. It keeps me freezing all night and when i wake up and look in the mirror i see my fat self so it also works as a reason to get skinner.

Now for comments....

Sophia was saying how 109 was her goal weight. Well, I'm 5'4'' But the way the fat sits on my is weird. I kinda rectangular is how i think of it. Like i have huge thighs, and if i eat my stomach looks like someone shoved a bowling ball into it. eww.

Then xokinsey i want to say happy late birthday! And then you ask me if i purge. I do sometimes. If i have a binge and no ones home. I hate purging with my family in the house. But then i have done it before with them home. Only once. Mainly it was just to get rid of the full feeling. Personally, throwing up is not very glamorous. One of the many reasons I'm Ana not Mia. Also it's much worse for your health than starving. But if i feel i have to i do. But i try not to. Make sure if you do don't brush your teeth right away. Rinse with water, then wait 10 min to brush. If you brush right away the stomach acid will ruin your teeth faster. Also, I feel Ana gives me more control than purging. I haven't actually purged in a while. In my mind it's kinda of cheating. Like your fixing your mistake of binging. Usually when i binge, I'm so mad i think "You deserve to be fat for eating all that! Now your father from your goal, DEAL WITH IT. I hope you have fun ruining all of your hard work for those cookies and sweets. Now Riki, was it worth it?" Nope it never is, yet i still do it.
As for your next question you were asking about my laxies. The post were i originally first took them was my first time ever. It showed me how deep i was really in with Ana. I wouldn't really recommend using them all of the time, the make you bloat up and could have side effects. But if you decide to take the laxie path. READ THE BOX. In my rage that day i stupidly bought over night. It wasn't how i thought it was going to be. People are generally always home at my house so if i was constantly running to the bathroom, I'd think they would worry. hehe. If only they knew. So in my opinion i wouldn't really recommend it. It's not good for you and usually doesn't do much. it just gets rid of the food inside of you. Most of the time you get calories anyway from the food before the laxies can clean out out.

That's it for comments. To everyone who does comment I LOVE YOU! To my readers I LOVE YOU TOO!

Now i have one more thing. Yesterday after my binge my bro came up to my while i was doing dishes, poked my stomach and said "Some body's getting a pouch, fatty." and walked away. I almost cried. Then i went on my computer and looked at thinspo, i was on the verge of tears. Those girls were all so beautiful. I'm so fat and ugly compared to them. It made me want to lose so much weight. It will show my brother. The day i waste into nothingness I'll ask "Who has a pouch now?" hehe.

So that's all for now. Keep reading and commenting!
Ana luv to all of you!
~Riki Ana


  1. OMG what's with your brother?! Just don't let him show it affects you.

    It sucks so much when people throw food at you all day and you're like naaahh. I had a friend staying over-night and because we get free breakfast (oatmeal) at school she knew I didn't have breakfast and was like "what are you going to eat?" she's like always hungry but has been losing weigh very steadily since the summer but she still eat a bunch... :S

    It's usually not hard for me to avoid eating at buffets and stuff like that because I just don't really like eating much in front of people... but when I was younger I would just stuff myself :S

    Anyway, I hope you'll do better today!

  2. Thank you for your replies! They really helped.
    Well what triggered my weight problems was actually my brother. He was constantly telling me I was fat. I was in 5th grade(which was waay too young to start worrying about my body) at the time and I weighed around 80 something (But I'm short, BIG difference.) He doesn't anymore though, but I know for sure now that I'm fat. Today and yesterday I've kind of been eating alot and tomorrow I'm having a small party and I'll probably eat then too, but I've decided Saturday I'm going to get back on track.
    Well good luck on your diet!