You know my name, not my story.

This blog is a part of my life. This is who I am, my goals, my dreams and my fuck ups.

Friday, January 28, 2011

Bittersweet Goodbyes

My beautiful readers. I fucking love you. I've been avoiding this for much too long. Let's wait. Good news first.

I met an amazing boy. His name is Joe. He was my first kiss. I wanted to wait for it to be with someone special but then i said fuck it, and it worked out. He's a fucking player, who wants me for my body. Yet he's still the sweetest guy ever. I lied to him, so i guess we are both fucked up. He's back in college, and yes I'm still 15, and no he doesn't know that. We are still talking but I know he's fucking other girls, he seemed pissed when i wouldn't do anything past kissing. Well, fuck you. but i like him so much. IM SO FUCKED. haha

But you know what? I'm perfectly ok with that.

You guys wouldn't believe how happy I've been lately. I'm this whole new person. IM HAPPY!
I actually love the way i look. Yea, i do have some fat here and there, and yea my boobs are small, but they are MINE. and i love them.

I got high like 2 weeks ago. It was fucking awesome. I cannot describe how awesome it was. I cannot wait to do it again. But getting my hands on weed is so hard. I got drunk with my goodie two shoes best friend today. It was great.

My life is at such a perfect point. I can get high and drunk, i have self-confidence and I'm happy. And i think i know why.

I just stopped giving a fuck.

That is all. I just said to myself "What the hell am i doing? Why the FUCK do i care what other people think of me? They dont matter, they will always judge me. FUCK THAT SHIT!"

I really just don't fucking care about anything at this point. I'm living my life day by day, and loving every moment of it. I take care of my body, and eat healthy, and I'm at a nice weight. 115
I can live with that. I have a nice ass, and a ok chest, with nice hips.

I'm currently making a pair of shorts for summer. I'm excited to wear them! I know my legs wont look that beautiful toothpick thin in them, but you know what? Im ok with that. Because ill work them anyway. Anyone who says i cant can go fuck themselves.

Yea, i still have that nagging voice saying I'm not pretty enough, but just fuck it all. I love who i am, maybe i wont love who i become or maybe i will. But right now i love myself and that's all that matters. Maybe ill find a nice guy my own age. Who knows.

My main goal is just to live life having as much fun as possible and anorexia just doesn't fit into that plan. It was a huge part of my life, but somehow I'm walking away from it. I don't know how but i am.

Maybe I'll be back someday, who knows? But you guys have been one of the best things that has ever happened to me and I'm actually thankful i had this. Don't hate on me for saying that because I'm not taking it back.

I'm not deleting this blog, i love it too much, and maybe one day if i come back, i still want it to be here.

But for now this is my goodbye.

I support everyone 100% with whatever they chose in life and you are welcome to email me anytime. Ill answer any questions and still talk to you girls or guys. I'm going to miss you all so fucking much. Wow, I'm actually crying.

You guys are fucking awesome, and I'm going to miss the hell out of you all.
I hope you all find true happiness.

~Riki Ana

p.s. My thingy is beautyiswhatiwant and i just realized something.

I've achieved beautiful and it's in my own eyes, and that's what truly matters in the end.