You know my name, not my story.

This blog is a part of my life. This is who I am, my goals, my dreams and my fuck ups.

Wednesday, June 30, 2010

Fast re-do. Day 1 Morning

Good morning my loves. Here are some distraction tips from the famous Ana Regzig blog.

Distraction from hunger/eating:

#1 - ALWAYS have a bottle of water, tea, diet coke, SOMETHING to drink in your hand. You'll be amazed how often you take sips off it without even thinking, keeping you full and distracted.

Clean something that's filthy, like the toilet or the cat's litter box. Take the garbage out and then scrub the inside of the can before you replace the liner. The smell alone will gross you out so much you'll NEVER want to eat again.

Make a rule of keeping the kitchen absolutely SPOTLESS at all times! Absolutely no dirty dishes in the sink or dishwasher, or drying on the side. Keep the towels folded neatly, the spices all lined up and facing label-side out, alphabetize them or put them in height order. Scrub the floor again.
If you make a rule of keeping it immaculate at all times, you won't be so tempted to fix something to eat thus creating more mess to clean.

Purge your stores. Take at least 10 items from your closet, 2 pairs of shoes, and 5 pieces of jewelry and donate them to a local Goodwill or Salvation Army. Then treat yourself to a new outfit - dress, shoes, jewelry, and a hat, belt, or handbag! You'll feel better for helping a good cause - and burn calories without eating at the same time.

Give yourself a manicure. Even if it's only been three days since your last one. If your nails are wet, they can't be digging inside a bag of chips!

Brush your teeth - again. You'll be less tempted to get your teeth and mouth dirty again with food.

Keep your lipstick touched up 24 hours a day. Moisturizer, liner, color, and gloss. Not only will you be constantly beautiful, but you won't be tempted to mess them up by putting food in your mouth. Sip water with a straw.

Purge your kitchen. Start by drinking two full 8-oz glasses of ice cold water, so you'll feel full and cold and won't be tempted to eat. Then get a bag or a box and clean out your cabinets and your fridge of anything that isn't high-fiber, high-protein or low-cal. Donate it to a local homeless shelter or soup kitchen. On your way home, drink another liter of cold water and feel great about your good deeds!

Do spring cleaning in the fall! Start at the top of each room, clean the dust bunnies out of all the corners, off the ceiling fans, dust the tops of shelves, and work your way down until you're sweeping/mopping/vacuuming the floors. Burn calories, burn! Have a tall glass of ice-cold lemon water every hour as you go, to keep your stomach from growling.

DANCE! Why wait to get to the club? Dim the lights, or turn off the bulb-lights and light a slew of candles. Put on a disc of all your favorite dance tunes and pump up the volume! Even better - set up a full-length mirror and work on your dance moves. Which moves could look better if you were just five pounds thinner? Let these images be your own thinspiration.

Look at that journal of thinspo again. Then look in the mirror and remember how far you have to go. Skim through magazines or online articles and find at least 10 new pictures to add.

Set your alarm to go off every half-hour. Set your shoes by the front door. No matter what you're doing when the alarm goes off, drop it, put on your shoes, and walk around the block as fast as you can. When you get home, have an 8-oz glass of ice water and set the alarm for the next half-hour.

Get creative. Do you sew, knit, or crochet? Are you great at pottery or glass etching, origami, painting or sketching? Are you an excellent poetess? Get started NOW on creative, beautiful, and thoughtful gifts for Christmas. And picture how skinny you'll be by the time you give these gifts to your loved ones.

Feel like you're about to binge? Before you open the fridge, write a one-page journal entry about why you feel like eating, ask yourself if you're really hungry or just bored. Remind yourself of your goals and question if this binge is going to help you reach those goals. Don't like writing essays? Don't allow yourself to eat UNLESS you write that page!

Write out a precise schedule of everything you're going to do tomorrow to stay distracted. (ex: 10 am-walk the dog, 10:30-lift weights, 11-wash dishes by hand, 11:30-shower, Noon-redo hair and makeup, 12:30-manicure, etc...) Don't allow yourself anytime to rest or eat. Only cold water. Then STICK to it!

Well, it's only 10:26am and i'm already hungry. Ughhghghgh. Don't worry though, later i'm going out to buy a 2liter bottle of diet coke. yummmmmyyyyy! That should help squash my growling tummy!

Ooh I saw toy story 3 yesterday- ADORABLE! Totally worth the 11 years i've waited from when i was a little kid, though i think the 2nd one is better.

Oh and thanks to Liz for thing inspirational comment!! :)

Anywhoo, can't really think of anything else to write.

Maybe some thinspo later!??!?!?

~Riki Ana

Tuesday, June 29, 2010

Liquid fast Day 2- Nighttime

Why, might you ask? One word-FAMILY.
I was doing great it was around 3:30pm no food. Then my dad came over and suddenly i had a bag of peanut M&M's in my hand. FUCK. Then more food, and more food. DAMNIT!

Fuck failure. I'm sick of myself. I'm sick of fucking everything.

I will lose weight. My birthday is 1 week from Friday, and i REFUSE to be fucking 119 lbs on MY fucking day.

*taking a deep breath*

Tonight i will sleep in.

Tomorrow will go like this.
-wake up 10AM
-watch TV/blog 10-12AM
-Clean house12-1PM
-Walk around town 1-whenever

I better not fail tomorrow.


There WILL be hell to pay.


I love you all, my beauties.
Good-night/Sweet dreams
~Riki Ana
p.s. here's some Thinspo to help you dream about beautiful goals that you CAN achieve :D

Good morning my beautiful girls

I finally figured something out. I eat more around people then when I'm by myself. I was at my friend's house yesterday, and i ate D: but anyway, whenever she was next to me i would eat, then when ever she left the room i would put it down, then when she would come back in..... it's a fucking cycle!!!

Now that i noticed i realize I've done this for a while. At lunch i would always eat IN FRONT of my friends.


I think it's because i want them to think 'I'm naturally skinny, see i eat ALL the time, I couldn't skip days of eating!'

If this is the case for the rest of my liquid fast i might have to be MIA, and no not mia, i mean Missing In Action.
At least for the friends i always eat around. My other friend R, we just walk through 3 different towns while drinking 32oz diet cokes that we got for 54cents :) Maybe I'll give her a call....

In other news,more from Haley. "I'm sorry if i offended you in anyway .. You are right I've never experienced a eating disorder. And i never know anyone with one.. So i guess I'm just curious of why some one would want to be so skinny? That is why I'm at your blog. And I don't want you to think i hate skinny people because I wouldn't want to be fat myself I just never had the chance to feel what it was like to have a little meat on my bones."

Oh, you didn't offend me, quite the opposite. When i read your first comment it seemed more like a challenge. Like you were trying to tell me i had no right for trying to starve myself. That my way of life way wrong.

Your welcome to read my blog anytime. I see now that your just trying to understand a different kind of living that we experience. Just as long your not trying to shut me down, your welcome to read.

Personally, i hate the feeling of fat on my bones. Maybe having fat on my ass for a cushion of sucky chairs but that's about it. I smile when i feel bone.

Now you're 82 lbs...And you hate it. You just can't gain weight. Try eating things that have a high amount of fat. Nothing diet. Drink whole milk, eat cake. Sorry the only time i've ever tried to gain weight was for a doctor's appoment, and that was like my second post or something. Try drinking Ensure! It's a nutrinal liquid, high in calories, that you can buy in the food store. They give it to paitents on eating disorder units to make them gain weight. I thinking it might do the same for you.

For most "normal" people, they'll never be able to understand what goes on in our minds. I don't really care what anyone thinks of my lifestyle, and i'll contuine to do it. But that is your lifestyle, and i'm not going to stop you in getting what you want, and nobody should. I hope you get the curves you desire.

Gain weight,
~Riki Ana

Now, back to bussiness, today i declare is NO FAIL DAY for me! I know, i'm cheesy, but that's why you love me right?!? :D

If R can't hang out it looks like i'll be stuck away from everyone, if that's what it takes I'm willing to do it.

Ooh, GREAT SHOW ALERT! Losing it with Jillian. The chick from biggest loser.
Here's the website for the show
BEST SHOW EVER! She screams at them to keep trying and lose thier weight ahhh such a good show!


That's all for now my chickaboos.
Starve on
And Think Thin
~Riki Ana

Monday, June 28, 2010

Haley's comment.

"Why do you want to be 95 pounds? Im sorry for being kinda blunt and everything but being skinny isnt everything im skinny actually very skinny way to skinny i would love to be 119 pounds im 82 pounds ive tried everything to gain weight and i cant it really sucks. i understand you u want a nice looking body but you should do it in another way work out eat healthy foods but just eat. and eat right."
^for those who didn't read her comment^

Hello Haley. Your comment is like a fishing lure hung in front of my face. I know i shouldn't but oh, wouldn't it satisfy me just to take a nibble? Hmmm, I'll bite.

I've read your blog Haley. I don't understand it really. I'm going to assume you've never had a eating disorder by your post. I'm going to assume again, that you have a VERY fast metabolism and have been blessed to be thin. But then, you know what they say about when you assume.

I'm going to help you. I understand you eat a lot. Maybe that's why your stomach always hurts.
Or, you could have something wrong with your stomach. But then of course, I'm not a doctor.

Sorry to say, i don't find curves attractive. Maybe on some people, like C, but not on me.

Eat healthy? Exercise? Oh gosh! What a revelation!

Of course I've already tried that. But when I'm not getting the results i want, why shouldn't i try something else?

Why would i want to look like a toothpick you asked. Well, in my eyes toothpicks are beautiful
But i guess to each his own.

You think bones are disgusting? Oh my dear, you've come to the wrong blog. I think bones are gorgeous.

"Be glad your not 200 or 300 or 80 b/c I'm sure that's worse than 120"

Oh i jump for joy at the fact I'm not 200/300. 80lbs is a little low for me. I say no less than 90lbs. 90 would be the extreme for me. Now 95, that would be perfect.

Why would that be perfect? You wouldn't understand. I don't even. I remember when i was younger i would never gain weight. When i finally broke that 100 lbs mark you could feel how happy i was. But inside me i felt something, a twinge of regret. A seed of self-hate and self-respect waiting to grow inside of you into a enormous flower.

I got this number in my head for many reasons, not a lot of them i could actually name. Just a thought that pop ed in my head perhaps.

You've never layed in your bed after the first day of a fast. Thinking 'oh my god i haven't eaten all day. Amazing' The amount of pride i have for myself when i think that, makes me feel as though i could fly.

I hope I've answered your questions fully. If not, comment again. I also hope you understand me a little better.

I have a question for you tho. What has brought you to my blog?
I hope you answer.

Haley I'm assuming again you don't want Starve on as your goodbye so for you.....

Gain weight
~Riki Ana

To everyone doing the fast GOOD LUCK!!! I'm starving along with you. I've already had 5cals of jello.

To all my other loves,
Stay Strong//Starve on
~Riki Ana

Sunday, June 27, 2010

Ready, Set.....

Hello my loves. I have good news! Starting at mid-night tonight I'm beginning a liquid fast. Yay! Would anyone like to join? It's going from tomorrow, Monday June 28th till Midnight on Thursday July 1st so a 4 day cleansing fast.

Why do i need a cleansing fast might you ask? Well, to day i was at a bridal shower and WOW! There was a lot of food. My birthday is July 4th and i want to be as thin as possible by then.

Here are the things you can consume:
diet soda
black coffee

Not Allowed
fancy coffees

So good luck to anyone that wants to join me!!!
Got any questions/need advice/want someone to talk to?
Email me at

So as i was saying before... Ready? Set. GO!

Love ya girls!!!
~Riki Ana
**Stay Strong//Starve on!**

p.s. weight back up to 118...possibly 119 thanks to food today. D: Oh well, fast here i come! :)

Good night my sweets

Thursday, June 24, 2010


I'm ready for a re-do of my body, of my life, and of myself.

These past couple weeks of my hiatus, was...oh how should i put it...Bad. I'm quite...unqualified to even try to wear a bathing suit right now.

I've broken a new record with my weight. And no, that's NOT good. My new high weight as of yesterday was 119. But don't worry my sweets, i restricted yesterday and brought myself back down to a still fat, 117.5

I'm also quite bloated, from our favorite....monthly curse.

I've started to put together a binder of things i want. Like the "easy tone" shoes (since I'm always walking) and this awesome dress, a fridge reorganization (looking forward for when i move out in 4 years *sigh*)

I just got the prettiest bikini yesterday! I. Need. A. Flat. Stomach. I have 10 days till July 4th. That was my goal for 95..... guess not. I have to lose 22.5 lbs to get to my goal. I'm striving for
1lb a day.

My main motivation is the belly button piercing I'm getting on August 20th. So, I'm excited for that.

Oh my loves, how i have missed you all. My mind is always here even if I'm not.
But don't you worry, because I'm back! :D

Maybe once i get my camera for my b-day I'll upload some pic of my bathing suit body....that is once I finally achieve that body.

Tomorrow I'm thinking I'm going to fast, in honor of school ending yesterday. You know what that means? It means, that I'll have more time to blog! :)

Until my fast tomorrow, fruits/veggies ONLY.

It's time for me to show my hunger who's boss.

Riki Ana

P.S.--Check out this awesome/thinspo song!!

Me and Mia- Ted Leo & The Pharmacists

As I was walking through a life one morning the sun was out,
the air was warm, but Oh, I was cold
And though I must have looked half a person,
to tell the tale, in my own version,
It was only then that I felt whole

Do you believe in something beautiful?
Then get up and be it

Fighting for the smallest goal: to get a little self-control
I know how hard you try. I see it in your eyes
But call your friends, 'cause we've forgotten what it's like to eat what's rotten
And what's eating you alive might help you to survive.
We went on as we were on a mission, latest in a Grand Tradition
And oh, what did we find?
It was Ego who was flying the banner, and me and Mia, Ann and Ana
Oh, we'd been unkind

But do you believe in something beautiful?
Then get up and be it

Fighting for the smallest goal: to get a little self-control
I see it in your eyes, I see it in your spine.
But call your friends,
'cause we've forgotten what it's like to eat what's rotten
And what's eating you alive, might help you to survive.

And even the nights, they could get better
And even the days ain't all that bad
And after a week of fighting, as more and more it seems the right thing

But do you believe in something beautiful?
Then get up and be it

Fighting for the smallest goal: to gain a little self-control
Won't anybody here just let you disappear?
Not doctors, nor your mom and dad, but me and Mia, Ann and Ana
Know how hard you try. Don't you see it in my eyes?
Sick to death of my dependence, fighting food to find transcendence
Fighting to survive, more dead but more alive
Cigarettes and speed for livin', and sleeping pills to feel forgiven
All that you contrive, and all that you're deprived
All the bourgeois social angels telling you you've got to change
Don't have any idea. They'll never see so clear.
But don't forget what it really means to hunger strike
when you don't really need to
Some are dying for a cause, but that don't make it yours.

And even the nights, they could get better.