You know my name, not my story.

This blog is a part of my life. This is who I am, my goals, my dreams and my fuck ups.

Monday, November 22, 2010

Where has time gone?

Last post: October 5th.

What the hell happened? So much has happened to me and you guys haven't been informed.

Ok so let's see, i got drunk for the first time ever on Saturday. Holy crap, i know. A couple hours of my life gone. *poof*
It wasn't as awesome as everyone makes it out to be.
My friend who wasn't there asked me how it was. I couldn't explain. I feel like part of me, my innocence?, has gone. I know I'm still much more innocent in some ways. But part of my rose-colored glasses have been broken. That fact makes me sad. It makes me realize childhood is pretty damn awesome.

Food wise, I've been pretty normal. Wait, not even pretty. I've been perfectly normal.

Which isn't so perfect.

The highest I've ever been.

I have slight muffin top; not enough to be gross for other people to look at but large enough for me to notice. I can tell my trust-worthy metabolism is slowly beginning to fail me.

I don't know where me and Ana stand at this point. I don't hear the viscous whisper of whether or not i should eat any more. Every once in a while she speak at lunch, and everyone once in a while I'll listen. But we all are aware of what I did when i got home. *mouth drooling at the thought*

Should I make a full comeback?

I want too, I really do.
But I'm worried about my, i can't think of the word, motivation? No that's not it.
My ability to starve.

Can i handle having Ana return to me? I faintly remember my prime of Ana. *sigh*

I planned on slimming down today. So yesterday after dinner, penne and vodka sauce, i got a packet of breakfast essentials, a drink mix full of vitamins and healthy shit, drank that mixed into a full glass of whole milk and took a multi-vitamin.

So i would be all healthed up my descent.

Can i, the pudgy normal eater, become skinny once more?

Hmmm, we shall see.

~Riki Ana
P.s. I've missed you all so much!!!!!!!

Oh and i hope Thanksgiving to all you who celebrate it didn't get you down too much.