You know my name, not my story.

This blog is a part of my life. This is who I am, my goals, my dreams and my fuck ups.

Sunday, December 19, 2010

PMSing, oh joy

Apparently my period has decided to turn me into the biggest bitch of all time. Normally I'm not moody i just angrier easier, but so far this one has made me the posterchild of PMS.

Like yesterday i woke up to find i bled through my pad, through my underwear and through my very thick sweatpants on to my bed. WHAT THE FUCK? so i got up and went to the bathroom and changed i dropped something, i can't remember what, but i lifted my head and smacked at on our wooden door for towels thingy. It hurt like a bitch, then i got angry and my mom was saying something to me and i freaked on her. She then said something back and i started crying. Like what the hell?

Thank god i haven't been in school, or else everyone would think i was crazy.

I want to thank lov2laff for her sweet comment. it's nice to know people understand what I'm trying to get across.

I HAVE 130 FOLLOWERS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
That's amazing! You can't even guess how happy that makes me. :)
Well, i just heard my sister get up so i got to go my beauties.
~Riki Ana
Sorry for this short shitty post, I'll make up for it next time. :)

Saturday, December 18, 2010

New day :)

I feel, i don't know, Happy. Shocker. Maybe it's the holidays or that it's the weekend but I'm fucking happy. Or it could be NikkiThin's comment "pot hits the spot eh? :)" That made me giggle.

Good times.

I feel like now at this point in my life i would try anything. Which isn't that smart i guess, but you only live once right? I have a tumblr, For the other side of me that people see everyday, and it's all about living life to the fullest and all that stuff.

Like now, i want to drink, smoke pot and have fun.

But there are friends of mine i never would tell this stuff to. I only do certain things with certain friends. Call me two-face, but it's how it is. I have a friend, never will do anything bad in her life, i am laid back, and "normal" with. She will never know about my smoking and drinking. She looks down on these things.

Then there are my friends I'm very close with, who also want to do these things, but lately it seems like i am the only one. That means, I'll have to find another person.... hmm, this is getting complicated :/
I know i have one friend Sa, who will always have fun with me. :) She hasn't tried pot yet though but we always talk about it. Next time brother updates his stash, lil' sis is going to play. :D
Oh yea, then i have another group of friend's I'm halfway me with. They also will never find out about the drinking/smoking. Except for D, i think I'll convince him one day to try it. I totally believe i could if i really tried.

Then there is the step-sister. I'm full out with her. That's when I'm drinking, and next time i see her I'm going to tell her about the weed. Except the story might get changed. i didn't do it alone in my house, i did it with friends, and friends of friends. Then one day maybe if i can convince her to smoke together. :)
I may sound stupid, and a two-face, or schizo but sometimes it's better to hide you are with certain people, and you know that too.
For all i know, i have no idea who i am or what i want. But that's the point of teenage years i guess, to make mistakes, discover yourself, and have fun.
I plan on having fun and one day maybe I'll combine all of my sides, i feel like it wouldn't work out well...... hmmm
In Ana news, today will be my first official day back. :) yay. I bought lemon green tea it's amazing!!!!!!!!!
I'll probably try to stay between 1000-1200 just a tweak to ease myself back in.

I leave you with some pics from my tumblr, and the message just to fucking LIVE, you only get to do this once so you might as well have fun and be thin while your doing it.

Live in the moment,
Enjoy yourself.
~Riki Ana

Friday, December 17, 2010

Off in wonderland...

Well, news again. I have tried weed for the second time in my life. This time something actually happened. Let's review, the first time i tried it was over the summer with my best friend, the one that was supposed to move away but didn't luckily, nothing happened afterwards. Maybe it was because i took a leaf from my bro's pot plant grinded and smoked it. hahaha. This time i found my bro's stash of a colorful glass mini-bong filled with some pot. My sister and i were supposed to have a bonding day but she ditched me for her friends.

I was pissed and i saw my brother hiding something there once so i went and looked. And lucky me i found it. Trying to find my brothers stash is kinda a hobby of mine. So i lit a really long match and lit the pot, which was mostly ash, and took a insane breath in and swallowed the breath. I didn't cough, i did that a couple more times, maybe 2 or 3, then i took one more really deep breath and i felt it go down my throat burning on it's way down. I knew it was inhaled that time. SO i went upstairs and put on pink floyd for effect haha, then i got that feeling when your starting to get tipsy when drinking. That effect lasted for about 25 minutes. I don't know if it was from the weed, or the major adreline rush i was experincing. But i do know one thing, that bong and i are going to get aquated quite a bit more often. Sorry bro, little sis wants to have some fun too.

Oh his birthday was yesterday too. I was going to write him a poem but it ended up being mean, but here it is for you.

Happy birthday bro!
21 yrs old, wow what a milestone.
Well, not really, mainly now you can do what you did,
but without getting aressted.
How's being an adult big bro?
I guess i wouldn't know,
You always telling me to be more mature,
More like you.
But oh, big bro
Wouldn't you like to know,
That i'm already in your foot steps!
The stuff you did senior year i'm doing now!
Does that make you happy?
Oh big bro, Wouldn't you wish to know?
Aren't you proud?
I'm like you!
Only i'm doing it better,
Or rather,
I'm doing it younger.
Happy Birthday
Love, you lil' sis!

This is my second try the first one got scribbled out because i wrote it during class.

Oh, and i need to start again :( i've once again strayed from the path. Damn. It just so fucking hard. I never remeber it being like this! What the hell has changed?

Well, that's all i have for now. I'll update again tomorrow hopefully. :)

~Riki Ana

Monday, December 6, 2010

Time for a new me?

Someone in the comments asked if they wanted to get on track together, my answer is HELL YES!

Tomorrow i have decided to do my first fast back in the swing of things. :)
It's going to suck, it's going to be hard.
But it's going to be worth it.

So anyone who wants to

Starts tonight at Midnight
and for the heck of it

It ends Wednesday at 6:00 AM.

Stay Strong
I wanted to address a comment written by BattleinMind:
Anorexia Is Not Disese. Anorexia is Not A Game. It Is a Skill Perfected Only By Few. The Pure, The Choosen, And The Flawless."This quote is sickening and so so offensive.

I'm not going to bash you. I'm not going to disagree with you. I'm not going to fight.

I'm going to explain.
I apologize if you find this quote offensive. Personally i don't. You could tell this to the person I got it from. Would you happen to know Ana Regzig? From dyingtobethin//

The tab of the page you read it in, says quotes, does it not? Did i say politically correct quotes, or perhaps nice pro-ana quotes? No i did not. I said quotes. They are quotes I've happened to stumble upon in my blogging. If it really bothers you that much, just ask and I'd remove it.

It's not that big of a deal. And i know ur going to say something in the comments about it being a big deal.

It's just a quote. Ask and I'll take it down.

That goes for anything on my blog. Just ask and if i deem it to be even slightly offensive I'll take it down.

Just wanted to get that out of the way.

Oh and if i make it past my fast tomorrow, which i pray to god i do, i will try to continue the fast until Friday so i could try my first salt water flush.

I'll put all the information on that tomorrow.

~Riki Ana

p.s. I'm getting a camera for christmas so i could finally show u me and my upcoming process.

Sunday, December 5, 2010

Be a voice, not an echo.

What's up my loves!?!

So yesterday I went out to dinner with my best friend and her older sister, BEST TIME EVER. I did end up eating a lot of food, but I'm not going to bash my head in over it. We were messing with these two waiters all night, it was funny. The restaurant we went to gives you crayons to draw on the paper which covers the table and we wrote "WE LOVE DAVID AND JON!

Then we showed it to them. They were creeped out a little i think. hahahaha. Then we wrote them letters and put the tip in them to made sure they will read it. hahaha.

Good times.

Today my family is going to get our Christmas tree! We always eat at this one dinner every year, so i think that will be my only meal today. :)

By the way, isn't that article crazy from last post? Just another reason thinner is always the winner. ;)

So i must be off, sorry for the lame short post. More tomorrow, now that my computer is fixed :D

I'm so fucking happy to be back.

Stay Strong
Think Thin
~Riki Ana

Thursday, December 2, 2010

Just an interesting ariticle I thought you'd all enjoy

Large Study: Just a Little Bit of Extra Weight May Shorten Life
By AP Dec 2nd 2010 2:39PM
Categories: News, Bmi Waist to Hip Ratio, Food Evaluator, Personalized Calorie Count

Lugging around a few extra pounds? One of the largest studies to look at health and weight finds that you don't have to be obese to raise your risk of premature death. Merely being overweight carries some risk, too.Obesity increases the risk of death from heart disease, stroke and certain cancers.
But whether being merely overweight contributes to an early death as well has been uncertain and controversial. Some research has suggested being a little pudgy has little effect or can even be a good thing.The latest research involving about 1.5 million people concluded that healthy white adults who were overweight were 13 percent more likely to die during the time they were followed in the study than those whose weight is in an ideal range."Having a little extra meat on your bones -- if that meat happens to be fat -- is harmful, not beneficial," said Dr. Michael Thun of the American Cancer Society, senior author of the study.

The study's conclusions, published in Thursday's New England Journal of Medicine, are similar to three other large studies, said the lead author, Amy Berrington of the National Cancer Institute."Now there's really a very large body of evidence which supports the finding that being overweight is associated with a small increased risk of death," Berrington said.For their government-funded analysis, the researchers pooled 19 long-term studies of mostly white adults.

They used each person's body mass index -- a measure of height and weight -- and checked to see who died during the follow-up periods, which ranged from five to 28 years.They focused on people who were healthy at the beginning of the studies, excluding smokers and those with heart disease or cancer because those affect death rates and researchers wanted to see the impact of weight alone.

The lowest death rate for healthy women who had never smoked was in the high end of the ideal body mass index range -- between 22.5 and 24.9. Compared with that group, those who were overweight had an increased risk of death of 13 percent. The increased risk ranged from 44 to 88 percent for those who were obese. The morbidly obese were 2 1/2 times more likely to die prematurely. The results for men were similar.

Most of the participants in the studies were white so the research focused on them. Results may be different in other ethnic and racial groups, Berrington said. She said evidence suggests that for the same BMI level, African-Americans might have a lower risk of death and Asians a higher risk.Two-thirds of U.S. adults are either overweight or obese. Overweight begins at a BMI measurement of 25, obese at 30 and morbidly obese at 40. A 5-foot-6 person is considered overweight at 155 pounds, obese at 186 pounds and morbidly obese at 248 pounds.

Because of its size and the diversity of studies included, the research "provides strong evidence against the position that it's a good thing for health to be overweight," Thun said.The notion that a "bit of reserves" would help keep you from getting sick probably stems from the days when food was scarce, he said.

The latest research was launched after a controversial 2005 study by the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention that concluded being overweight didn't raise the risk of death; that report included smokers and those with pre-existing illnesses.University of South Carolina obesity researcher Steven Blair said the results were consistent with other studies and the "massive effort" was commendable.

But he said there wasn't enough information available about fitness level or physical activity. A proponent of the "fit and fat" theory, Blair said his research has shown that obese people who are tested and deemed fit did not face increased risks of dying."If we want to get to the bottom of the health hazards of overweight and obesity, we have to have better data on physical activity," Blair said. "Until we do that, there's uncertainty of how important BMI is as an important predictor of mortality."

Copyright 2010 The Associated Press. The information contained in the AP news report may not be published, broadcast, rewritten or otherwise distributed without the prior written authority of The Associated Press. All active hyperlinks have been inserted by AOL.