You know my name, not my story.

This blog is a part of my life. This is who I am, my goals, my dreams and my fuck ups.

Sunday, November 29, 2009


Why is it whenever i do something it's never good enough?

My sister and i had to clean the house so we pulled names out of a hat. She got all of the hard jobs. She than commanded me to go upstairs and do mine. My sister doesn't know how to ask she always commands it makes me feel like a fucking dog. No, wait, she treats our dog better than me.

Anyway, so i went upstairs to do mine. I felt bad for her getting all of the hard ones so i did her jobs. All of them. And i did mine. Then she comes upstairs. She starts telling me everything i did wrong. Oh, there is still stuff on the rug. Over there too. That bed isn't made right. That's just a taste of everything i do wrong. Then she sees i cleaned everything including her rooms. She said thanks....Then went back to commanding me o do more stuff. Then i made everyone dinner. (I really just put it in the oven) And my sister asked if i was going to have any. i said no. She said Yes you are. So then i ate dinner.

Then everyday my mom is asking me about my grades. How they suck. How i need to pick them up. How she never sees me doing any homework. MAYBE IT'S BECAUSE YOUR NEVER HOME MOM, EVER THINK OF THAT? Really my mom is never home because she's working, for us. So i don't really care much about that. But everyone needs to get off my fucking back!

I got 3 C's, 3 B's, and 2 A's. Not so bad it means I'm average. But really who the fuck wants average?

I'm never good enough am i? I'm not cleaning enough, I'm not smiling enough, my grades are good enough, I'M NOT SKINNY ENOUGH.

That's it. The game is on. I WILL BE PERFECT.

I don't care if it kills me.

So that's that. Off to the rest of the blog.

I will restart my Fast (again) today. i feel stronger since of what happened yesterday.

Also if you want to try this go ahead. i bought a calendar. Then i took 3 different colors and made them represent Red- Binge. Blue-Fast. Yellow- Restrict. So then you can look back and see how you did over that period of time. It helps me. Then I can plan ahead. Seeing it on paper helps, because you can see how amazing your doing or how crappy.

Good luck everyone. Tell me how ur doing.

Starve on my skinny minnies.
~Riki Ana


  1. I know how you feel. My parents are always on me because my grades aren't good enough (I got all A's except one B last marking period.. tell me how that's fair.), because I'm not skinny or active enough, because I don't clean the house for them.
    Not gonna write a novel or anything, but I know how you feel. Stay strong. :]

  2. I know how that is. I want perfection because it is expected of me.

    if you wanna talk

  3. i totally understand the whole "everything must be perfect" thing. i've been in a gifted program since 2nd grade and ever since i am expected to get 100% in every class, and if i don't, my parents want to know why. once i was getting a C in english and my parents called in a meeting with us, the teacher, the gifted director of the highschool AND the president of the program. i know what it's like for family to be so nitpicky with everything.

  4. my dad pushed me so hard when it came to i guess i compensate by trying to be as skinny as possible.i cant fix my brain so i might as well fix my body.
    stay strong