You know my name, not my story.

This blog is a part of my life. This is who I am, my goals, my dreams and my fuck ups.

Friday, May 7, 2010

This is me.

I know. I'm supposed to be this big strong blogger who you look up to in your time of weakness to show yourself that SHE can do it, so WHY can't you? Well, I'm not.I'm the girl who has many failures with the occasional good day. I'm the girl that stays strong in front of you but cracks the moment no eyes are on her. One of my favorite quotes that describe me is "I'm the type of girl that can be so hurt, but still look at you and smile. the type of girl who is willing to brighten your day even if i can't brighten my own" I feel that is very true for me. When someone wants to tell me something, i shut up and listen. I observe. I'm.....a loner, you could say. I don't have many friends just a couple close ones, who i love dearly. Sure, we fight. The occasional shove or slap. but later that same day we will laugh about the stupid thing we were mad about.

My friends say they look up to me since i have so much confidence, and i'm so strong, and self-willed. Ha. yea that's what you see but it's not who i am. "Don't be so quick to judge me, You only see what i choose to show." Very true. I show exactly what i think you need. Most of the time i mainly act bitchy. It's who i am, well who i show. I'm a very sensitive person, though i wouldn't DARE to show it. My friends have only seen me cry once in the 10yrs i've known them. I got hit in the face with a basketball. Not even emotional tears they saw. I've seen my friends cry too many times to count.

I don't sugar-coat. Even if it's what they want me to do. You want my advice? I give it to you. i don't care if you don't like it, that's the truth. I'm not going to sit there and tell you it's going to be ok if its a lie. I'm not going to give you false hope. I don't believe that's the right thing to do.

The words you say, even if your "joking" cut like a razor into my mind. "Every just kidding, has some part truth."

The only part of my body I like is my back. Don't ask me why, but I think someone's back is the most beautiful part of them.

I know I'm not fat from other people's eyes. But i don't care what your eyes see. the only opinion that matters is your own. And i don't like what i see, so I'm going to change my shape into whatever i like. You don't like the bony figure i want to become. Cool. i don't care, i think it's beautiful, so shut the hell up.

I'm a comma whore, if you haven't noticed. Put them ALL over my posts. Not even on purpose. I think they belong there, so guess what? They are going to be there.

When i grow up i want to become a psychologist. I want to help people through thier problems.
My favorite color is pink.
I'm in love with Three Days Grace.
I'm bicurious. (Though you guys are the first to know)
I will proably never tell anyone that i'm bicurious.
I'm Roman Catholic.
I enjoy Greek Gods/Goddess.
I love reading books especially dark ones. I don't like happy endings unless there is some sort of twist. EXAMPLE: Identical-Ella Hopkins
I feel like happy endings, like the ones in movies and books, aren't realistic.
I do not lie on this blog.
I crumble under pressure.
No matter how long i've known you, you will prolly never see the me i keep hidden inside.
I will do whatever i can do to make you happy.
I love watching movies. Especially horror movies.
I feel like i'm a complex person, trying to be a simple one.
I love my dog, even though he's eaten all of my favorite things.
If i get the chance to have kids, i'm naming my daughter Riki.
I believe in love at first sight.
I believe in Fate.
I believe in Karma.
I love chocolate ice cream.
I'm a sucker for chicken.
I'll do anything for my brother and sister to make them happy.
I love my mom with all of my heart.
I love my dad, even with what he did to my mom. I will always love him.
I believe in ghosts.
I think there is a heaven.
I wish upon stars.
I hate spiders and any bug for that matter.
I hate running.
I love walking.
I don't think i'm pretty.
I love listening to my ipod.
My favorite thing to do is sit on my bed while reading a good book with my ipod plugged in and looking out the window on a rainy day.
I like feeling pretty during a fast.
I hate feeling any kind of guilt.
I get emotional. Quickly.
I ramble.
I go to bed early.
I tell stories badly.
I wish i would fall in love.
I wish i was loved.

This is me. the abridged portion. I could keep writing for days. This is the person you're reading about. This is who i am, who i want to be. I am ,to you guys, Riki Ana. To others i am a name you don't know. I'm just a person like anyone else on the street.

"Be kind for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle."

But you guys want to read about me. My life. And for that i am honored.
I'll post updates on my weight tomorrow.

I love you all. Truely.
~Riki Ana


  1. Riki Ana, I wrote in a blog entry a long time ago... you are only human. We all slip up. But more importantly, we are strong people even if we slip up sometimes. And WE LOVE YOU, flaws and all. No one is perfect.

    Keep your head up:)

  2. this post was so inspiring! you are such a beautiful person- i wish we were friends in real life.
    OhMyGosh is right, we love you. you can always count on us blog girls to be here for you :)

  3. I LOVE this post, it really is so amazing. I identified with so much of it especially the first quote (in colour), that's the perfect description of me.