You know my name, not my story.

This blog is a part of my life. This is who I am, my goals, my dreams and my fuck ups.

Tuesday, May 18, 2010


Yesterday's treat was a little.....Large. Which is like my weight right now. Today was....let's refer to today as a EWWWWW day, shall we?

Tomorrow=No excuses.

I'm sick of lying to myself every fucking day. I wake up in the morning saying "Ok, i'm going to do good! Remember your fasting today. Water and Juice" Then around 4th period right before lunch, i ask myself "well, should i eat? Something small maybe? A side salad?" Of course not. I get fries. Disgusting cafeteria fries. Oh and listen to this. The lunch lady just immediately says "fries?" and serves them without even looking up to see my order. Yea, i'm that person. I'm a fat, coming back for more, customer.

I'm disgusted with myself. I need to not give up halfway through the day!

I'm making a promise. I'm fasting tomorrow, and i PINKY SWEAR to you guys that i will not break it.

Anyway, i've been thinking about the whole cigarette thing. That has been the main topic of my mind for the past 2 days. I'm still trying to decide whether or not to smoke another one. Like, i've been through the health classes, I know the side effects, i know it's bad. But oh, is it alluring.

But then i think of my mom, and her smoker's cough. Then again, i think of it's effect of getting rid of cravings. I believe over the years, i have smoker's lungs already. Whenever my mom smokes she blows it towards me instead of my sister, since my sister has bronchial something. :/

I know for a fact, my brother AND sister smoke, what? i'm not entirely sure, If you catch my drift.

So, i'm thinking.

I'm like 99.9% sure i'm getting sick. My throat is starting to hurt, and my neck itself hurts, my back hurts, ughh i'm all achy. :(
Anyway, to brighten your day and mine here is a beautiful pic i discovered. I'll think about her while i fast tomorrow!


~Riki Ana


  1. don't smoke. it's stupid.
    (this is coming from someone who started smoking at the age of 14 and gave it up again at 18)

  2. Don't smoke! It's really bad for you, and you don't need that on top of an eating disorder.
    Don't worry about messing up. It happens :)

  3. Don't smoke. Don't do it. You'll think you can stop whenever you want to and one day you'll look up and realize you're addicted. I've watched too many friends go through it - quitting is hell. And lung cancer is worse. Just don't.

    If you need help/motivation, lean on all of us - we're more than happy to help.

    <3 you

  4. The idea that smoking keeps you slim is a myth, they debunked it a while ago. If anything it makes you fatter apparently.