Hello everyone, I'm feeling much less defeated right now. i didn't do so bad today. I ate a bag of chocolate covered pretzels in self-hate 330 cals then i purged them. Then for dinner i had 210 cals of pasta. and like 250 in drinks alone. even all that including the pretzels (just in case) it's 790. So hopefully 115 or *praying to god* 114.
I think you girls are right. I have to let the past be the past, and instead focus on my future. If i stay strong now and work extra had i can be around 100 by June first. Thank you guys for you inspiring words. <3
In family news, I'm no longer talking to my brother. I'm sick of his shit. He comes in to the house and starts yelling at me for no reason. My sister left his chair in the middle of his room and he started yelling. Then he broke the chair. What the hell? Control yourself! Then he started yelling at me, so naturally i yelled back. Then he screamed at me to "not raise my voice" So i started yelling more. Then i don't remember if i started it or he did, but i do remember him holding me to the ground me crying to let go, and him yelling at me to say sorry. I said nothing. I started kicking him in the back while trying to get up and he said not to kick him and hit me lightly in the back. I still said nothing. He asked me to apologise. Again i said nothing, so he got up and stalked into his room. Then he went outside.
I brought him the phone to talk to our mother and he asked who it was. I said nothing and handed it to him. He yelled "I'm not talking to them!" and threw the phone. Remember we are outside. It crashed to the ground. Luckily it did not break.
Then a short time later i was inside. i went to go shut the front door since it was wide open. I shut it and apparently my brother was coming up the stairs. I did not see him. He threw the door open and yelled at me "DON'T SHUT THE DOOR IN MY FACE!"
Finally he left to go hang out with his friends. I understand having bad days, but he does shit like this weekly. He should fucking know better. He's 20, I'm 14. I love my brother, i do. But he has to grow up and stop acting like a 2 year old having a temper tantrum.
Though it probably sounds worse typed out, but I'm not going to forgive him. I should but I'm just so fucking sick of this. I get it, our life is hard, but just stop already.
Me and my mom are the only normal people in my family. The 14 year old ED child. And the single mother working 2 jobs.
Doesn't everyone love family life?
Sorry for springing family drama on you guys. Ugh, i need to get out of this house. I think I'm going to go for a jog.