You know my name, not my story.

This blog is a part of my life. This is who I am, my goals, my dreams and my fuck ups.

Thursday, December 24, 2009

Merry Christmas....Happy Holidays!

So i hope everyone is doing good...cuz i'm not.

I know look at that Riki failed again.


I'll start over after the holidays. I'm not letting myself feel bad because it's my own fault. My weight is 109.5. 4.5lbs off.

Enough about my sad weight i have better things to tell you about


Ok so i think my mom is starting to get suspicious. Which is weird judging by the fact I've been binging around her constantly. We were talk about Britney Murphy *RIP* died and how it might be because she was anorexic/drug abuser. Stupidly I may have defended Ana a little.

I was like "Anorexia can't kill you, only if you starve to the point of organ failure. I say Anorexia with the combined drug use was too much for her heart."

My mom then said "Anorexia WILL KILL YOU. Not eating will kill you!" An other stuff of that nature. I my head i was like 'i can last days with out eating and not die so HAHAHA' But in my head.... lol

Then i put on my fav outfit. It makes me look skinner than normal. except for my fat ass thighs but those suck and are touching which pisses me off, but back on track.

Then my mom after she saw my outfit said "That makes you look like a bag of bones" to which i said "i think it looks cute" But on the inside i was saying "FUCK YEA!!!!"

Then she asked me what i ate yesterday. Which i shall never repeat. Too horrifying...

Then she said the sugar cookies i ate DON'T COUNT. Because they have little sugar because my foods teacher can't have a lot of sugar. Then that makes them have NO CALORIES. WHICH IS A LIE. Just because the sugar has decreased doesn't get rid of the BUTTER, EGGS, FLOUR, SUGAR WE PUT ON TOP. She just doesn't get calories. gah

Oh well, I'll make sure to start eating in front of her.

Oh yea i thought of something i found funny.

Christmas cookies/binges = Santa's gift to anorexics to make him feel better about himself.

hahaha so true.

Anyway, i happened to look at some random blog and it was for a girl who was committing suicide though Ana.

WHICH PISSED ME OFF! If you are doing that get off my blog right now. I find that so annoying. You go through all of this hard work, just to die. So stupid.

My rule is what's the point of being skinny if your dead. Which makes me do Ana in the healthiest way possible. So i can just balance myself on that razor thin line of perfection.

Sorry for ranting.......

Someone in the comments was saying how i must be mad since i was cursing. I curse a lot. I usually curse at least once in every post. i don't do it on purpose but it's the way i am.

I was very surprised to see that i had 30 followers. That just makes me want to work harder. Knowing more people are watching me fail makes me want to stay on track.

Love you all! I hope you enjoy the holidays, and stay away from those fattening treats.

Starve on,

~Riki Ana


  1. My parents don't get calories either. My mom still tries to shove all her holiday candy gifts off onto me, while my dad claims that he could "get me in shape" if only I would let him.
    ...That's great inspiration dad.

    Anyway, my mini-rant aside, it's okay that you slipped, we still love you. I know I did yesterday, but I'm making up for it by fasting today. That thing about Santa? Deffffffinitelyyy truee! XD

    Committing suicide through Ana? That seems to me like blatant disrespect for what Ana truly does.. I was always under the impression that anorexics wanted to be as thin as possible WITHOUT dying; like the dying just completely canceled out the control you once had... I dunno. Maybe it's just me.

    Apologies for the hella long comment, but stay strong honey!


  2. I start writing a blog about my life with my eating
    disorder and my addiction to fashion. I really need readers,
    because in my real life I had no listeners. Alone, yes I was
    always alone with my thoughts, in those days I didn't care about it.
    Untill I discovered the blogs and learnt how good it can feel to have
    readers. Readers, which share the same intress and have the same
    feelings after a shitty snack attack.

    Plz, visit me:

  3. I was reading a blog, and I saw yours. I am starting to write about me, who I am with this ED.
    Right now, it's pretty lame :\ But yeah.
    Also my sister confessed to me that she was ana, at one point, when she was off at collage to be more exact. And she would eat nothing and look at herself in the mirror all day & try to find her hip bones.
    So I have to eat around her more often, cause this summer all she could say to me was 'you haven't been eating' which made me get defensive.
    Also, when you wrote in one of your posts, about reading a girls blog and just thinking that you will do better than her, no that doesn't make you bad/mean. It's ana talking, I think 'wow this girl is doing really good, I wish I could do that too"
    But ana replies with, 'of course you can, you can do that and more'