Perfection...

Why is it whenever i do something it's never good enough?

My sister and i had to clean the house so we pulled names out of a hat. She got all of the hard jobs. She than commanded me to go upstairs and do mine. My sister doesn't know how to ask she always commands it makes me feel like a fucking dog. No, wait, she treats our dog better than me.

Anyway, so i went upstairs to do mine. I felt bad for her getting all of the hard ones so i did her jobs. All of them. And i did mine. Then she comes upstairs. She starts telling me everything i did wrong. Oh, there is still stuff on the rug. Over there too. That bed isn't made right. That's just a taste of everything i do wrong. Then she sees i cleaned everything including her rooms. She said thanks....Then went back to commanding me o do more stuff. Then i made everyone dinner. (I really just put it in the oven) And my sister asked if i was going to have any. i said no. She said Yes you are. So then i ate dinner.

Then everyday my mom is asking me about my grades. How they suck. How i need to pick them up. How she never sees me doing any homework. MAYBE IT'S BECAUSE YOUR NEVER HOME MOM, EVER THINK OF THAT? Really my mom is never home because she's working, for us. So i don't really care much about that. But everyone needs to get off my fucking back!

I got 3 C's, 3 B's, and 2 A's. Not so bad it means I'm average. But really who the fuck wants average?

I'm never good enough am i? I'm not cleaning enough, I'm not smiling enough, my grades are good enough, I'M NOT SKINNY ENOUGH.

That's it. The game is on. I WILL BE PERFECT.

I don't care if it kills me.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

So that's that. Off to the rest of the blog.

I will restart my Fast (again) today. i feel stronger since of what happened yesterday.

Also if you want to try this go ahead. i bought a calendar. Then i took 3 different colors and made them represent Red- Binge. Blue-Fast. Yellow- Restrict. So then you can look back and see how you did over that period of time. It helps me. Then I can plan ahead. Seeing it on paper helps, because you can see how amazing your doing or how crappy.

Good luck everyone. Tell me how ur doing.

Starve on my skinny minnies.
~Riki Ana

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I'M A FUCKING FAT ASS. I RUINED MY FIRST DAY IF FASTING BY EATING LIKE 700 CALS. UGHHHH. I'M A DISGRACE TO ANA.

OFF TO DO JUMPING JACKS TILL I DIE. OR MY FAT CRUSHES ME. UGHHHHHHHH

Hunger hurts but starving works

Today is Thanksgiving, What a craptastic holiday. There is no doubt in my mind that i'm going to binge. But believe me the next 3 months of my life are going to be heaven and hell in the same spot. I'm going to start a 10 day fast on Friday. But knowing me i cannot handle those whole 10 days so i'm breaking it on the 3 or 4 day. Then i do an apple diet day. (which is where you take an apple cut it into 8 slices then you have 2 for breakfast, 2 for lunch, 2 for dinner, and you have 2 extra for a snack!) (It may not seem like much but since your constantly eating you mind tricks itself into thinking that you ate all day. ) Then after my apple diet day i return to fasting!

If you want to know more about the diets or anything else, go to this AMAZING website i found while websurfing one day. The girl who created it, is such a sweetheart and everyone on the site is sooo supportive. http://www.gonnagetgorgeous.webs.com/ Check out the Calender if you want the diets.

I haven't weighed myself this morning yet. :( I'm scared to look tho. The past few days.....well.....um.....were crap. I was sooo pissed at myself. But now with the 3 months of diets, i will have structure to stick to. Hopefully it will keep me from binging. I've been getting all my binging out these past few days. bleh.

Ana HATES my mom. I'm doing a great fasting day! Oh wait no your not. Mommy just brought home fresh baked chocolate chip cookies. And pizza. Ana is pissssseeeeedddd!

Now she will be happy!!!!! well....after Thanksgiving.....

Now some thinspo. Enjoy my skinny bitches. I'll be posting all this weekend because i have more time!!!!!!

Better wasted than waisted.

Yesterday i went to the mall. I bought the CUTEST shirt dress sort of thing. And you have to have a flat tummy to wear it!!! Yay clothing thinspo! I planned on fasting all day. It was weird like usually during fasts i have major temptation issues. But yesterday like the thought of food and eating just turned me off. But my sister was hungry and so then i have to eat. I know that i shouldn't have but she is already suspicious and me not eating would have made it worse. So i bought my favorite food court item. Popcorn chicken. I know gross. I only eat around half, because my sis got up to get a soda and i threw the rest out. Still loads of calories. But that was the only thing i ate all day so that's good.

My current weight is at 109. A stupid plateau. Damn.

Then this morning Frito's were calling my name. If i ever eat other Frito in my life it will still be to soon.

So today after my little Frito binge, with a side of mac and cheese. :( eww i sound gross :( ughhh

I'm going to fast hopefully. But today is Sunday. Sunday is horrible for me because everyone in my family is home. So maybe alot of restricting... We'll see.....

If you noticed at the top of the page above my thinspo quotes there is a binge counter thing. It will help keep me on track. You all will know the depressing news before you even read the blog entry. So that's a good reason to stay on track. Oh yea i borrowed the idea from Sophia. Hope you don't mind..... :/

UGHHHH THANKSGIVING IS COMING! :(

I HATE Thanksgiving. What a disgusting holiday. Anyone got tips for avoiding food on Thanksgiving?!?!?!
Tomorrow i'm starting a fast and going in till Thanksgiving. Hopefully it will balance out the fast and binge....hmmm.......

Hope you are all doing well. I love seeing how many followers i have!!!!!! :)
Ana luv to you!
Think Thin & Starve On,
Riki Ana

Hunger is a feeling. Thin is a skill.

Hi. I'm not really cheery this morning. Why is when you are at ur strongest is when it decides to die? Sure i completed my fast with flying colors. I beat my plateau of 109. I was 108.5 AMAZING! but the next morning my mom was forcing me to eat breakfast. She said "have an apple, or leftover pizza." So did i eat the apple...NO i ate the effing pizza! DAMN IT! Then i had a field trip. Did i eat my 500 cal lunch? No, luckily but i did eat a personal bag of Cheetos and a personal bag of Frito's. Then a lollipop and a 140 cal fiber one bar. i probably ate 700 cals. Just for lunch. gross, then i went to the movies with my friends, i had a low cal monster -20, then we got ice cream, but instead of ice cream i got fries instead. ewwwwww. I'm a fat failed anorexic disgusting pig. My CW is 111. I GAINED 3 POUNDS. WTF!!!!

I'm going to fast today. My will power ain't so good. But i'm going to follow Nikki's plan of doing 20 jumping jacks every hour. Then i set my alarm on my phone to send me little messages during the day. Like "Ana would be proud." or "nothing tastes as good as thin feels." "That stomach pain is your fat melting away...." Try it. It helps me!

Oh yea. I was thinking. Remember when we were kids, and when we actually saw someone anorexic and we would say "ewww! her bones are sticking out!" or we'd make jokes about them being skeletons. I wonder when that changed. When one day i went "well, she's actually really pretty. Those bones are perfection..." How weird, that your brain can suddenly just go "nope! she's really pretty!"

Just saying.

More later.

Ana luv to you
Starve On,
~Riki Ana

P.S. The pizza guy spitting on it was a great idea!
P.S.S Hope you all are doing better in your weights.
P.S.S.S. Oh yea, now i'm going to be a fat pig at my dance. Great.

Luv you all! BYEEEE!!!!!!!!

Pizza? No thanks...

Hey girlies!!!!! Man, i feel soooo great right now! I've been fasting all day, at lunch i thought i was going to binge but i chewed some gum, then i bought a Vitamin water with 10cals per serving. And my craving for food was GONE. yay! Now my mom is buying a pizza :( but if i can keep this control i should be good. I'm going to look great for the dance on Saturday especially if i can fast till then.

To someone that commented i wanted to say thanks! Your comment made me smile :) Anorexics are everywhere. When we feel lonely we really shouldn't. Look at how many blogs and web pages there are!

So yep. My life has been boring. I've been weak. But hopefully it's all going to change! I've been dreading Thanksgiving. I really want to do a 4day fast then on thanksgiving restrict. Since there is only 1 meal on thanksgiving it will help.

Oh yea i'm soooo happy my sister is going to be starting a new sport. That gives me more time to blog. Which will keep me from eating. yay! Man, i'm in a good mood.

So how have you all been doing??? I would hope well.

I'll probably blog more later when the pizza gets here :/ so more later. Something more interesting then too.

Ana luv to you!
~Riki Ana

Control, control, control

wtf. Why do i have NO say in my life?
Riki, do the dishes!
Riki, walk the dog!
Riki, eat!
Riki, do this!
Riki do that!

DO IT YOURSELF! gah! i've been forcefed and weak the past two days. Off the hook for tommorrow so i going to (hopefully) fast then. I have a dance on Saturday so i want to lose 4lbs by then. I plan on fasting til the dance and during it. My current wieght is 111 or 112 or a dreaded 113.

Apparently my bro controls my sis so my sis contols me and i control nothing. How the hell did that happen? grrr!
I can only control one thing. My eating.

Ha, i just lied to my friend. I know i shouldn't like that but i do.
"Want to get Food at the mall while dress shopping?"
"YES!!! sounds good. Yummy!"

Haahaha yea right.

Let me be skinny. Let me have control!!!!!!!!!

Hopefully i'll have more time to write soon. I hate writting while people are home. Luckily my sis went for a jog. So more later...
Oh yea you guys were commenting about the shower buring the cals. I know it proabably wouldn't burn that much.
On no she's home
~Riki Ana