You know my name, not my story.

This blog is a part of my life. This is who I am, my goals, my dreams and my fuck ups.

Thursday, April 3, 2014

Tick tock

Long time no posts. Hello my beauties. I know I am probably speaking to an empty room, most of you are probably no longer active. But I'm back and ready to dive deeper than ever before.

Two years is a long time. Let me catch you up.

I have since read through my blog and let me just say thank god I've grown up a little. I'm 18 now,. I was hospitalized back in January for depression, anxiety , suicudial thoughts and  self harm.  I'm doing okay now. I withdrew from college and now I'm just working part time. I'm still a fuck up, just an older fuck up.

I just want to be able to look at my self and be happy for once. I have Ana whispering at me constantly "if you listened to me more maybe you wouldnt have ended up like this you weak piece of shit. Come back to me and I'll make you perfect. I promise."
Because of my depression I lost 20 lbs without trying. I have since then gained it back. Let me weigh myself real quick to update you guys .

121 lbs.  It's a night time weight so I won't be too hard on myself.

My goal is still 95 lbs.

I want to be able to handle life. I want to get good grades, I want to grow and bloom into the perfect person that I know is deep inside me.

I need to get my ass into gear and do something with my life.  Right now I'm just a disgusting failure. I have to be very sneaky because my mom watches my intake. I want to cut. I've been clean for about a month. The only time my mind stops racing is after I draw blood.

It feels nice to be back.

Riki Ana

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