Today was uneventful except that i bought a 4 pack of fruit cups-70 cals per cup, and some white cheddar rice cakes-45 cals a piece.
In the morning I drank a bottle of water then a diet Snapple, another bottle of water, ate a salad at school, then i came home and went to work. My mom decided to surprise me with Wendy's. Oh god, I couldn't resist-chicken nugget and fry kids meal, bc she knows i don't eat a whole order haaha. I ate it but with Ana's voice screaming in my head i snapped a rubber band on my wrist every bite. If I ate, I deserved to be punished.
In other news, My brother has decided to be an arrogant asshole by continually asking me about our step sister's attempted suicide. Let's get this straight first- he hates her, everything about her, has barely had a full conversation with her. Yet he expects me to violate her trust and tell him everything. Since he wants to become a doctor i understand his interest, but honestly its none of his business. He's not worried about her, he's just curious. I find that fucked up.
He will never be able to understand the want of death.
“Did you really want to die?"
"No one commits suicide because they want to die."
"Then why do they do it?"
"Because they want to stop the pain.”
― Tiffanie DeBartolo, How to Kill a Rock Star
he will never understand what it's like to hide in your closet and swallow handfuls of Advil while crying. He will never understand what it was like to go to sleep thinking "here we go, finally i can be happy." He will never understand what it felt like to wake up.
Well girls and boys, tis bed time.
Starve on, Think Thin
P.s. Be kind for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle- Plato.