Fuck, i'm sorry. :(

Damn my beauties i forgot you guys again. I can make the excuses that i was busy, working a lot, etc etc. But whatever forget the past, enjoy the present so let's begin.

Well I'm currently employed. I'm a cashier at a small grocery store and stand all day-so burning calories constantly yay. School is whatever, and my life is bullshit but let's get to the point you all care about.

I'm currently 113 lbs, over the past 2 weeks of restricting i lost 7 lbs so fuck yes.

Today was a good/bad day. We had a half day at school and i ended up getting suspended half way through hahaa, but whatever. Thanks high school that's a great punishment-thanks for the three day weekend!

Then I went to work where my stepsister visited me, my boss started giving me dirty looks so I told her multiple times "Please leave my boss will yell at me" and she refused to listen saying it wont happen. Like, no bitch if I tell you to leave please fucking leave. So finally he told her to leave and then proceeded to yell at me and i got really fucking pissed and told him i tried to get her to leave multiple times and she wouldn't.

gahhh.

Thank god I have a fresh pack of cigarettes or I would have hit someone.

I have work tomorrow 2-8 then on Sunday 10-7 so blogging will be minimum. I'll try to get on at least once a day from now on my beauties.
~*~

The weather in NJ has been crazy lately. A couple days ago was 70 and today was 50, please make up your mind. But with spring coming, I have come to the realization that bikini season is also approaching. FUCK. I'm going to upload some current photos in the next few days so you can see my progress.

I WILL BE 95 LBS BY THE TIME SCHOOL LET'S OUT.
Please Ana, help me restrict and fast so that my body will fade into nothingness and every girl will be green with envy when I walk past them in my itsy bitsy bikini showing my prominent hip bones and defined ribs. Ana give me strength.

~*~

In other news, my depression is still very high. Especially at night- I don't know if it's the darkness or something but I get so suicidal and unhappy. God, it's horrible.

Just remembered something important- Last week i had a pregnancy scare, and oh god, was i scared. My boyfriend, on and off for a year, had a nasty break-up. I was horrified that I would be stuck with his child to constantly remind me of him and the broken heart he left me. Oh and another present that asshole left me with is HPV. yeah, i know.

The thing no one understands is that he was/always will be my first love. The love i gave him was the purest, truest form. I gave him everything I could, my virginity, my heart, my money, my past, my future, and he threw it all away for a whore.

Live and learn, i guess?

.....ugh
~*~

well, that's all i feel like saying right now.
I'll divulge more later.
I love you, my beauties, my friends, my family.
Love,
~Riki Ana

May Ana give you strength.