Ugh, i've been doing crappy in general.
I've been freaking out since mid-terms are next week and i know literally NOTHING. And all my teachers are saying this pretty much end up being your final grade. :(
My foods teacher is giving us a mid term which is stupid. Come on it's foods! and yes, i am pro-ana and in foods class, i know, ironic much?
Anyway, tomorrow i'm going to start restricting. Under 800 let's go with.
When i checked last about 15 min ago, i was 116. but that was after 2 personal pizzas.... :(
~
"Fat, fat, fat, fat, big belly, big thighs, big jiggly arms." Ana whispered.
"...I know." I say defeated.
"If you LISTENED TO ME FOR ONCE, MAYBE YOU WOULDN'T BE 116!" Ana screamed.
"I'm sorry." i say with a tear sliding down my cheek.
"Riki, meet Mia. Mia, Riki." Ana said to the thin red eyed girl.
"No thank you." I say politely.
"What?" Ana said staggering back.
"I'm not taking the easy way out Ana. I deserve the number on the scale. I'll work it off, or rather starve it off. NOT puke it off." I say stubbornly.
"That's my girl." Ana says while lightly kissing my head, while waving away Mia.
~
So tomorrow i hope i do good.
Sorry i haven't posted in so long. :( Hello? Anyone out there??
Anyway, i want to say if you comment, don't say sorry for the long comment. lol I don't care if it takes up the whole page! Reading your comments make my day, if you have something to say, say it! I love hearing your thoughts!
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So, i finished Wasted. At first i didn't like it. But then i reread it. More slowly this time. Instead of trying to finish it as fast as i could, i took my time reading each page, word. by. word.
It was actually really good. I like the end more than the beginning personally. When she gets to her lowest weight it's amazing yet so sad.
I'm not going to ruin it for you. I say read it. :)
She has a good point in it though. She talks about how most people with ED get to a point where they don't find the thin they are at attractive anymore. They just look dead. But they get thinner, mainly just curious to see how low they can get with out dying. then oops they died, guess that's too low.
Good book though, if your like me read it twice. It seems better the more you read.
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I just started to notice that i suck my stomach in. Almost all the time whenever i'm around people. I suck it in as hard as i can, barely breathing. Maybe, i'm trying to look as thin as possible even though i've gained weight....
Sorry for the long post. I know you guys have lives unlike me. So i'll let you get back to them.
Have a great day, or night depending what time it is.
Peace out,
~Riki Ana
"So many thoughts that I can't get out of my head. I try to live without you, every time I do I feel dead. I know what's best for me. But I want you instead, I'll keep on wasting all my time." Over and Over by Three Days Grace
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I suck my stomache in contstantly, and I do mean constantly. I have to will myself to relax it, because it is such an ingrained habit. It makes me sad to see it in its normal state. Anyways, I think I will re-read Wasted and see how I like it then. :) Take care!
ReplyDeleteAre you higher than your highest weight? Or is the hw just what you think your highest weight was? It 's almost like you're starting from square one again...it depressed me soo much when that happened to me :( I hope you can be successful.
ReplyDeleteI think I wrote I am sorry for the long comment once. I also, am freaking out about mid-terms it's crazy! Oh and also, now mostly all of my comments are going to be a page long (:
ReplyDeleteI started reading wasted on my Kindle (it's like a electronic book) and I am like more in the begging and it's kind of boring, but i know that I will finish it (:
I love reading your posts, I don't know why, they just seem so real to me.