You know my name, not my story.

This blog is a part of my life. This is who I am, my goals, my dreams and my fuck ups.

Tuesday, January 26, 2010

The secret life of the American anorexic

i was just watching The secret life of the American teenager and thought of that lol.

Anyway much to talk about.

First of all, I have 51 readers!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Woo-hoo!!!! That's fucking AWESOME! Love you guys!xxx

Next, it went like this...

"Mom what's for dinner?" i asked while walking down the soup aisle.
"Chicken and stuffing." She responded.
"um, can i get a bag of chips?" I ask worried.
"Go ahead"

I need something bright. Cheese doodles.

"Is the food almost done!?!!?"
"2 minutes" she responded.
"I'm going to eat cheese doodles while i wait..."
*inhaling food*
"Mom, i'm going downstairs on the computer!" i shout, toothbrush tucked into my waistband heading towards the second downstairs bathroom.

And that's where i stayed for like 10 minutes kneeling before the porcelain god.


puking till i saw orange.
I didn't.

Damn it. So i was there puking and i got like 2/3 of it out. I was starting to see specks of orange but then my mom came down stairs. Crap.

I wasn't caught and no suspicion. oh well. Tomorrow's limit is under 400.

I'm going to be home all day tomorrow, because i don't have any mid-terms that day.

SO i'll post some thinspo for you lovely ladies. (perhaps gents also?)

Now my throat hurts, my tummy is bloated and i'm shivering. This is sooo not worth food.

Probably going to take a cold shower tonight and freeze to burn some cals.

This morning i was 113. i want to be around 108 by friday. 5 lbs? So like a fast and a restricting day should do the trick.

i can feel my glands are swollen. Do you know that doctors can tell how many times you've thrown up just by feeling them? Weird.

I hate having to throw up. I know i shouldn't throw up but it just seemed so convenient at that time.

Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I'm not a mia person though. I know all the tips and tricks but i almost never purge.

Like markers (cheese doodles) to see when it's all out.


I'm making my self a new pro-ana bracelet tonight. My old one broke. I don't use beads like you should but i'm lazy and don't have beads so i just tie a red ribbon around my wrist and put my ED/food diary key on it.

In case you don't know what the bracelet is, it is a way of knowing who is friend and who is foe.

You make a red beaded bracelet and some have dragon fly jewels. Then if you see another girl with it you could try to make eye contact with her and hold up your bracelet, if she does the same she's ana too. If she doesn't it's some random thin girl you happens to be wearing a red bracelet. And you should promptly walk away. lol.

You can buy them online or just make them yourself.

Recovered anorexics know about these too, so they may rat you out so try avoiding that.

I usually wear mine every day. It's a great reminder. There are also different colors. Like Endos is pink, self harm is black and Mia is blue. I'll try to find what all the color and meanings are for you guys.

I wear red, which is Anorexia. I'm not thin enough yet to be considered anorexic but it's a nice reminder of what i'm working towards.

I have to be 102 to be considered anorexic. To be considered anorexic you must be, i'm pretty sure, 85% below your normal body weight.

So for me i'm supposed to be 120. 85% so that is 102. My second goal weight.
3GW- 98

Oh how i wish i was that number.

Oh yea this summer i'm going to a summer camp for two weeks with my two best friends.
A LOT of hot guys are going to be there. So that's great motivation. Except you can't wear 2-pieces there so that means my arms and legs are going to have to extra good!

Well, i'm off to drink so tea to sooth my aching throaght. :( owwies!
Riki Ana.

P.s. Listen to the song i posted before on youtube. It's very inspirational.

1 comment:

  1. omg. we have exactly the same stats, except the height (i'm an inch taller) and same goal weight. (;

    we can do this yeah?