Ok, i give up on ABC. Stupid thing telling me how much i should eat. pshhhhhhh that.
Tomorrow i'm doing under 800. Trying to get my body to listen to me again.
WARNING ODD VENTING ABOUT TO OCCUR!
*sigh*
I'm in an odd mood today.
I just want to feel pretty for once.
But i know that's never going to happen.
I saw my collar bone for the past week. Made me happy, till i saw my stomach was the same.
I know i'm not good enough, and i'll NEVER be good enough.
My grades suck, i try but it's hard, then i don't want to study. Stupid fuck.
Everyone tells me i'm skinny. I wish i could myself through there eyes.
I'm at normal weight for my height. I wonder how i actually look.
I need to get back on track. I want to be skinny but does it have to be so damn hard?
"Of course it's hard" says Ana. "It's to weed out the weak and undeserving"
"Does that mean i'm undeserving?" I ask her.
"No my dear, you're just weak." She says with a small smile. "I'll fix it though"
"What will my life be like when i'm thin?" I ask her, like a small child asking her mother.
"It will be perfect." She says while kissing me on the head.
~
Sorry if that was weird...
In other news I'm reading Wasted.
In other blogs i heard it was amazing and great inspriation and THINspiration.
From many other anas including the famous AnaRegzig, it is called the "Ana Bible"
I'm only someway in. Let's see if it's as good as all the hype.
~
Sorry for the crappy post my dears.
Love,
~Riki Ana
"No matter how much you push it down, Hunger is always there. The day it's gone is when you discover you miss it. Keep it there let it gnaw at you, begging you for one bite. So for when you say No, you feel better. Even if only for a moment..." - Me <3 xx
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I think Marya Hornbacher would die a little inside hearing it be called the "Ana Bible", or hearing that it's thinspo to girls. Just saying..
ReplyDeleteStay strong honey
I've really been wanted to read that, but I want to know how it is! Keep updates about it? And my whole 'diet plan' isn't exactly going perfect either, so you're not alone! I'm sure you're skinny too! I know I'm not skinny at allll. I'll absent-mindly complain about my weight to my friends sometimes and they will just be like "Oh, you're not fat at all, you're skinny... blah blah blah" but I KNOWWW I'm not at all. I'm short and fat. I weight pretty much your weight and you're like 3 or 4 inches taller than me, so I'm pretty much jealous, haha. Sorry for the long comment, but I feel like I can relate to all my fellow anas waaay more than I can my friends.
ReplyDeletewell stay strong!
i always relate to anas more than my actual friends. isn't it strange that pro-ana is a more accepting community than the real world, even though none of us can accept OURSELVES? i guess that's what brings us all together :)
ReplyDeletei've been wanting to read wasted too! i looked for it at the book store the other day when i was there but they didn't have it :(
let us know how it is! stay strong!
xoxoNikkioxox