You know my name, not my story.

This blog is a part of my life. This is who I am, my goals, my dreams and my fuck ups.

Wednesday, July 28, 2010

My Body. My Mind. MY ORDERS.

Good morning my gorgeous girls and my thintastic boys.

And yes i did just make up the word thintastic. (Thin + Fantastic = thintastic) :D

It's 10:48 am and i just had my first craving of the day. And it was.... Potato Chips.

Gah, but don't worry i just walked away from it and came down here. :)

Ooh, i just thought of something funny.

What would you do for a Klondike Bar?
Would you,
-Burn 1000 calories after you ate it?
-Not eat the next day?
-Feel fat and worthless?
-Put on a large sweatshirt to hid you now bloated stomach?
-Purge it?
-Go running?
-Eat another to suppress the guilt rising?

Or you could just put down the damn Klondike bar.

You'll never see those^ in thier commercials.

It was funny in my head but on paper... or well, typed out it sounded depressing. Oh well, it made me giggle.

I'm going to let you guys hear out some personal issues. It's not necessary to read so you could just skip down to the next ED part but continue if you want. :)

I met this guy. (Oh yes. It's a boy issue, who could have guessed?!?!) He's been in my CCD class for many years, but we never really talked. But at the carnival he asked for my number so i gave it to him.

That's when the texting begin. Saying how he liked my outfit. Why i didn't i text him with a sad face. How he's going to see a movie with his friend's but wants to text me instead.

I thought this is all quite flirty, and it means he's in to me.

Then i say his facebook. HE HAS A GIRLFRIEND! WHAT THE FUCK?

So after i found out i ignored him for a little. But he didn't stop texting me. "Hey, what's up? I'm bored. Cure my boredom! ANSWER, I'M BORED!"

So finally i said "If your bored why don't you hang out with your girlfriend"

Then he told me the movie thing from up above. "I'm going to see a movie with my friends but i wanna text you"

Now I'm just confused. The guy has a girlfriend! But he's outright flirting with me.

I was asking some of my pro-ana friends online about it and one for them said

"Just because there is a goalie doesn't mean you can't score. ;)"


i found that hilarious, but anyway, I'm not that kind of girl to steal some one's guy.
Should i confront him? Or just let it be?

The thought that has dominated my mind has been "what if it's all a trick?"
3 years ago the crush of my dreams, also my best guy friend, asked me out. It was for a dare. That broke my heart, made me feel like shit, and has fucked me up about guys.

As you all know I'm Bi-curious. Why curious? I'm attracted to girls but haven't had a girlfriend.
In my mind your not bi-sexual till you've kissed a girl/had a girlfriend.

But anyway.....

I don't know what to do.

I'm pretty sure I'm not even into this kid. It's prolly just the fact i just want SOMEONE to like me and make me feel special//beautiful.

Ok back to ED land.

This morning i weighed myself and it was 116.

.5 down, I'm happy with that.

OH YEA----- Check out this pro-ana website!
It has loads of thinspo, Ana music, Ana Books, and even a safe Cookbook!


that's all for now my Honey buns :)
~Riki Ana


  1. Good job, it sounds like you're doing well!! I loved the Klondike bar thing :)

    I wanted to let you know that I'm going into recovery, which unfortunately means I have to stop following your blog because it's triggering for me, and I don't want to relapse :( But I will try to drop by and say hi every once and a while! Good luck with everything!!

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  3. boys are confusing haha. I have been with girls but not had relationships with them. It is exciting being with a girl!! Not sure that I could be in a full time relationship with one but. I haven't really thought what I would classify myself as.
    Just have fun and go with the flow!!!