Depression Hits

It's crazy how much of a fuckup i am. My friends mom found out i sold her daughter booze and now told my mom. I'm going to be in so much trouble. My phones being disconnected and im going to get screamed at. But i swear to god if my mom lays one hand on me i'll beat the shit out of her. I'm not kidding either.

Im so sad right now. Im such a fuckup its crazy.

~
~
~ and the suicidal thoughts begin to hit.

Oh god. I'm even more fucked up than i thought.
I just wanna get hurt. Not enough to die, but enough to make everyone feel bad for me.

The body begins to die after three days without liquid.
^Just a thought.

I'm slowly realizing, im fucked up in the head. I literally thought about jumping in front of cars just so i won't get into trouble.

WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?

Also everything is trippy as shit, and i don't know why.

I think i'm fucked up in the head. I called the suicide hot line, again idk, but first they had me on hold for 15 minutes. then i hung up. Then i called back and my phone refused to dial it.

Hmm, perhaps a sign?

Well, tonight if i don't get completely fucked in trouble.... i don't even know.

I just want to run away, or die. I don't even know anymore. I'm just so unhappy. I don't even know why.

This house makes me depressed. That's why I'm never home... also bc my family hates me.

I just want to slip out of conscience for a while is that so much to ask for?

And this is why i like drugs. Too bad they cost money.
I tried coke the other night.

To anyone looking to try it, don't. everyone says coke is this awesome drug. ITS NOT. it sucks. i didnt feel anything except for awake. Wow, the same thing as drinking a red bull. awesome.

All i want is some weed, so i can zone out and fall asleep

is that too much to ask for?

I hate myself.

Love,
~Riki Ana.

p.s. If someone told me this i would give them so much advice and shit. But i feel i dont derseve it.

how fucked up is that?