Well, Duh.

Today was uneventful except that i bought a 4 pack of fruit cups-70 cals per cup, and some white cheddar rice cakes-45 cals a piece.

In the morning I drank a bottle of water then a diet Snapple, another bottle of water, ate a salad at school, then i came home and went to work. My mom decided to surprise me with Wendy's. Oh god, I couldn't resist-chicken nugget and fry kids meal, bc she knows i don't eat a whole order haaha. I ate it but with Ana's voice screaming in my head i snapped a rubber band on my wrist every bite. If I ate, I deserved to be punished.
~*~

In other news, My brother has decided to be an arrogant asshole by continually asking me about our step sister's attempted suicide. Let's get this straight first- he hates her, everything about her, has barely had a full conversation with her. Yet he expects me to violate her trust and tell him everything. Since he wants to become a doctor i understand his interest, but honestly its none of his business. He's not worried about her, he's just curious. I find that fucked up.

He will never be able to understand the want of death.

“Did you really want to die?"
"No one commits suicide because they want to die."
"Then why do they do it?"
"Because they want to stop the pain.”
― Tiffanie DeBartolo, How to Kill a Rock Star

he will never understand what it's like to hide in your closet and swallow handfuls of Advil while crying. He will never understand what it was like to go to sleep thinking "here we go, finally i can be happy." He will never understand what it felt like to wake up.
~*~

Well girls and boys, tis bed time.

Starve on, Think Thin
Love,
~Riki Ana

P.s. Be kind for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle- Plato.

Hello world.

Today just started out as a shitty day and ended like one.

First I trip going up the stairs and slam my fingers into the concrete trying to save my face- hurt like a bitch. Then i walk into my classroom and my water bottle falls off my desk, flips over causing the top to act as a missile directly on to my foot, while wearing flip flops-hurt like a bitch. Got called in to work on my day off- fucking sucked. Had my boss ask me if i was pregnant because i was bloated- fucking sucked.

I DO NOT LOOK PREGNANT!

that fucking hurt the most out of today, the physical pain went away quickly while that question will fucking haunt me.

I'm not that fat....am i? I mean, yeah i haven't been sticking to my diet but I'm no where near pregnant status. oh god, this is gonna mind fuck me forever.
~*~

Dear Riki,

I told you before Riki, Ana never lies, without me you are nothing and will turn into a fat slob. 118 lbs? God what is wrong with you! Okay, i will admit it's a nighttime weight, but that is completely unacceptable.

Is it that hard to keep food out of your fucking mouth? I know this seems harsh, but you need this kick in the ass. I'm done playing around watching you turn the body I once worked so hard on into a piece of shit.

Why don't you look at these beautiful girls who can do what you have failed at...
















You need to realize Riki that you can look like them. All you have to do is listen to me.

Love,
Ana
p.s. I'll be watching you, don't disappoint me.
~*~

I hope you enjoyed my little thinspo treat for you guys!

Stay Strong, and Think Thin.
Love,
~Riki Ana

Once you feel weak and dizzy your almost there.

SO much shit has happened its crazy. My beautiful blog has been forgotten, i must change that. but first let me tell you all about whats been happening in the shit storm called my life.
~*~
First, I've been a veryyyyy verry bad girl lately. Santa will be giving me a ginormous lump of coal for Christmas. I did some very bad, illegal things that of which i will not go into detail, bc i didn't get caught. so hell yeah on that part, but sad face bc my entire family found out what i did. Which caused me to attempt suicide. I sat in my closet and swallowed two handfuls of Advil. Then i went to bed. You think that would have done the job but i woke up, so i guess that's good. My depression has hit a new high lately. i barely want to pull myself out of bed and when i do it's for school and to get high, weed and spice are my life. i love spice, i trip balls but i know it's stupid for me to do. Imma try to do better......

Next, I'm forced to see a psychologist. Why, might you ask? Well, i decided to call out of work (i got fired bc of it) and go clubbing at a teen club, most annoying part? it wasn't open that night gayyy. i already knew i was in a lot of trouble so i told my parents, no I'm not coming home tonight. See you in the morning and hung up. Let's just say it didn't fly well. I was reported missing to the cops and they recommended i see this doctor. Which is why I'm there.

I hate him, hes an old fat man trying to understand a 16 year old girl rebelling against everyone. I find the fact the can't prescribe me drugs very annoying to me. Obviously I'm fucked in the head. I mean anyone who talks to me for more than an hour realizes it.

Now, don't you all go thinking I've become this crazy lunatic, bc i haven't I'm the same old Riki....somewhere.

My Ana habits were forgotten in this new found life. But now since I've gotten away with it all, I'm retiring my bad habits....well except getting high. But every other illegal thing I've done is in the past.

I'm sitting here eating my Halloween candy looking at blogs and thinspo wondering where my perfect body, my perfect grades...ish, and my perfect life went. Everything was fine back when Ana was my best friend, but i dumped her for drugs and mistakes.

It's time again for me to return. I'm hopeing it will actually stick this time. And i know readers, why trust me? Every blog post, about one a month is repeating the same old lines, but i don't know. This time feels different.

Maybe it's because i can hurt myself, and others. Maybe because I'm sick of being trapped by this body that isn't perfect.

But I'm back. And this time I'm fucking ready. :)
~*~

Tomorrow will be very little food. I won't count too harshly so my return will be a descent instead of a yo-yo drop.

My Halloween candy is calling my name.
Do i have enough strength to turn down its siren song?
Ana give me strength,
Ana give me strength,
Ana give me strength.

Love,
~Riki Ana

Pictures!

Well, here are some pics of me and my current body.


Stomach not bad, but thighs deff need some work. And those are the jeans i want to fit into. I can't button them :(

And please try not to notice how horrifically dirty my room is ahah :)
~*~

Today i am fasting, which is prolly stupid because i stayed home sick. Well, let's hope i get better even though my body will be wasting away. ;)

Love,
~Riki Ana

Fuck you life.

So this fat bitch is telling people im a baby ho. Oh really? I wanna fucking slash her tires. She's saying imma hoe when she has the clap? wtf.... well i cant say much on the std part but im not a whore like she is. one time she gave me a ride home and this phrase came out of her mouth...
"Well he's not attractive but dick is dick so whatever."

WHAT THE FUCK?

ughghfgifsdfiaofgrjhiogtferio;vfgoweraghioerahg
im so pissed.
~*~

but in other news
I've stayed below 1500 for a week
and now im staying below 1200

i wanna do a fast soon.

I miss the feeling of hollowness, the empty growl.

Mmmm, i want it back.
I'll get it too.
I fucking will.

Love,
~Riki Ana

P.s. i have so much more to say but i'm beat tonight. Tomorrow ill re-open up my life to all you beautiful boys and girls.



****HOLY SHIT I FORGOT!****
I have a phone now, so leave me a comment and ill give you my number so we can be Ana texting buddies, that will seriously keep me on track

Sometimes all you need is that little shove...

Hola my beauties :)

Friday i did end up going to the beach, i ate a hot dog and fries from Nathans, i had a slice of pizza from a pizza place, then for dinner we went out to Chili's and shared appetizers- Nachos, Artichoke and spinach dip, and this spicy cheese dip. Mmm.

Friday Night, i slept for 2 hours.

Saturday, I woke up extremely depressed. I don't know why. I felt like a fuck up and failure in all aspects of my life. I ate a cookie from Dunkin Donuts to make me feel better, than i had a little bit of popcorn, and personal pizza, then for dinner i had a piece of grilled chicken.


*EDIT* My blogger fucked me over and didn't publish my whole post. It only published up to here. It was a good fucking post too. Goddamn it. Here's my crappy re-write :(

I slept all of Saturday, and all night. I woke up about half an hour ago. It is Sunday 940 AM

On Saturday whenever i woke up i was having trouble distinguishing my dreams from reality. My dreams were so realistic, my mind couldn't tell the difference.

This morning i woke up feeling physically- euphoric kinda like a high, but not quite there. I had an urge to weigh myself.

116.

I lost 4 lbs. :)

I know it's not a lot, but it's the shove i need to really start my weight loss.
~*~

At the beach there was an obviously anorexic girl. Her arms were so thin there was no meat, just skin wrapping bone. The only part of her that was "thick" and i use the term thick VERY loosely, was her calves. they were very muscular.
Truthfully it was kinda gross looking. I don't like the whole "so thin i could drop dead at any moment" look. I like the slightly underweight, model looking kinda anorexic.

But that's just my personal preference.
~*~

So i did stop smoking for a day. That day was easy as fuck. I realized something, I'm not addicted to cigarettes yet. But here's the thing i enjoy smoking. I like the feel of it curling in my lungs, the look of it coming from my parted lips.

My friend who smokes said this, once you stop enjoying smoking that's when your addicted. I do something i enjoy, once i stop enjoying smoking ill stop.

Im so annoyed blogger didnt publish my whole post. It was so fucking well worded, and i cant remember the way i put shit and all of the topics i touched on.

FUCK YOU BLOGGER.

Love,
~Riki Ana

Done with my bullshit

OK so i got in trouble with my mom again. She found out I've been cutting classes again, luckily she didn't find out that i cut school. I'm not going to to the beach Friday. I'm allowed to just I'm making the change to be a better person.

I'm quitting smoking tomorrow. I'm done with it. I'm scared, but I've been researching online. To help with quiting I'm going to do a three day juice fast, that's what they recommend.

My mom is disappointed in me truthfully, i don't even know who I am anymore. I miss being close with my mom, i was the one she could always depend on. Now I'm the fuck up of the family.

I need this.
I need to be a better person.
And this is the first step.
I will be thinner, nicer, and stronger.
Anyone who says I can't do it can go fuck themselves.

This is the perfect time because summer is approaching. This is going to be a summer of new me.

MY GOALS
1. Quit Smoking
2. Lose 10 lbs and become 110
3. Gain my mom's trust again
4. No more cutting classes
5. Do better in school
6. No more fucking up my life
7. Stay away from bad influences
8. Be happy with the person I am.
9. Eat healthier
10. Take responsibility for my actions.

Love,
~Riki Ana
I'll update more in a little bit.
Its only been about an hour since my last cigarette and I'm already craving another.
Wish me luck.

PMSing, oh joy

Apparently my period has decided to turn me into the biggest bitch of all time. Normally I'm not moody i just angrier easier, but so far this one has made me the posterchild of PMS.

Like yesterday i woke up to find i bled through my pad, through my underwear and through my very thick sweatpants on to my bed. WHAT THE FUCK? so i got up and went to the bathroom and changed i dropped something, i can't remember what, but i lifted my head and smacked at on our wooden door for towels thingy. It hurt like a bitch, then i got angry and my mom was saying something to me and i freaked on her. She then said something back and i started crying. Like what the hell?

Thank god i haven't been in school, or else everyone would think i was crazy.

~*~

I want to thank lov2laff for her sweet comment. it's nice to know people understand what I'm trying to get across.

OH AND HOLY SHIT.

I HAVE 130 FOLLOWERS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

That's amazing! You can't even guess how happy that makes me. :)

Well, i just heard my sister get up so i got to go my beauties.

Love,

~Riki Ana

Sorry for this short shitty post, I'll make up for it next time. :)

New day :)

I feel, i don't know, Happy. Shocker. Maybe it's the holidays or that it's the weekend but I'm fucking happy. Or it could be NikkiThin's comment "pot hits the spot eh? :)" That made me giggle.

Good times.

I feel like now at this point in my life i would try anything. Which isn't that smart i guess, but you only live once right? I have a tumblr, For the other side of me that people see everyday, and it's all about living life to the fullest and all that stuff.

Like now, i want to drink, smoke pot and have fun.

But there are friends of mine i never would tell this stuff to. I only do certain things with certain friends. Call me two-face, but it's how it is. I have a friend, never will do anything bad in her life, i am laid back, and "normal" with. She will never know about my smoking and drinking. She looks down on these things.

Then there are my friends I'm very close with, who also want to do these things, but lately it seems like i am the only one. That means, I'll have to find another person.... hmm, this is getting complicated :/

I know i have one friend Sa, who will always have fun with me. :) She hasn't tried pot yet though but we always talk about it. Next time brother updates his stash, lil' sis is going to play. :D

Oh yea, then i have another group of friend's I'm halfway me with. They also will never find out about the drinking/smoking. Except for D, i think I'll convince him one day to try it. I totally believe i could if i really tried.

Then there is the step-sister. I'm full out with her. That's when I'm drinking, and next time i see her I'm going to tell her about the weed. Except the story might get changed. i didn't do it alone in my house, i did it with friends, and friends of friends. Then one day maybe if i can convince her to smoke together. :)

I may sound stupid, and a two-face, or schizo but sometimes it's better to hide you are with certain people, and you know that too.

For all i know, i have no idea who i am or what i want. But that's the point of teenage years i guess, to make mistakes, discover yourself, and have fun.

I plan on having fun and one day maybe I'll combine all of my sides, i feel like it wouldn't work out well...... hmmm
~*~

In Ana news, today will be my first official day back. :) yay. I bought lemon green tea it's amazing!!!!!!!!!

I'll probably try to stay between 1000-1200 just a tweak to ease myself back in.

I leave you with some pics from my tumblr, and the message just to fucking LIVE, you only get to do this once so you might as well have fun and be thin while your doing it.

Live in the moment,
Enjoy yourself.
Love,
~Riki Ana

Off in wonderland...

Well, news again. I have tried weed for the second time in my life. This time something actually happened. Let's review, the first time i tried it was over the summer with my best friend, the one that was supposed to move away but didn't luckily, nothing happened afterwards. Maybe it was because i took a leaf from my bro's pot plant grinded and smoked it. hahaha. This time i found my bro's stash of a colorful glass mini-bong filled with some pot. My sister and i were supposed to have a bonding day but she ditched me for her friends.

I was pissed and i saw my brother hiding something there once so i went and looked. And lucky me i found it. Trying to find my brothers stash is kinda a hobby of mine. So i lit a really long match and lit the pot, which was mostly ash, and took a insane breath in and swallowed the breath. I didn't cough, i did that a couple more times, maybe 2 or 3, then i took one more really deep breath and i felt it go down my throat burning on it's way down. I knew it was inhaled that time. SO i went upstairs and put on pink floyd for effect haha, then i got that feeling when your starting to get tipsy when drinking. That effect lasted for about 25 minutes. I don't know if it was from the weed, or the major adreline rush i was experincing. But i do know one thing, that bong and i are going to get aquated quite a bit more often. Sorry bro, little sis wants to have some fun too.

Oh his birthday was yesterday too. I was going to write him a poem but it ended up being mean, but here it is for you.

Happy birthday bro!
21 yrs old, wow what a milestone.
Well, not really, mainly now you can do what you did,
but without getting aressted.
How's being an adult big bro?
I guess i wouldn't know,
You always telling me to be more mature,
More like you.
But oh, big bro
Wouldn't you like to know,
That i'm already in your foot steps!
The stuff you did senior year i'm doing now!
Does that make you happy?
Oh big bro, Wouldn't you wish to know?
Aren't you proud?
I'm like you!
Only i'm doing it better,
Or rather,
I'm doing it younger.
Happy Birthday
Love, you lil' sis!

This is my second try the first one got scribbled out because i wrote it during class.

Oh, and i need to start again :( i've once again strayed from the path. Damn. It just so fucking hard. I never remeber it being like this! What the hell has changed?

Well, that's all i have for now. I'll update again tomorrow hopefully. :)

Love,
~Riki Ana

Time for a new me?

Someone in the comments asked if they wanted to get on track together, my answer is HELL YES!

Tomorrow i have decided to do my first fast back in the swing of things. :)
It's going to suck, it's going to be hard.
But it's going to be worth it.

So anyone who wants to

FAST TOMORROW.
Starts tonight at Midnight
and for the heck of it
30hrs.

It ends Wednesday at 6:00 AM.

Stay Strong
~*~
I wanted to address a comment written by BattleinMind:
Anorexia Is Not Disese. Anorexia is Not A Game. It Is a Skill Perfected Only By Few. The Pure, The Choosen, And The Flawless."This quote is sickening and so so offensive.

I'm not going to bash you. I'm not going to disagree with you. I'm not going to fight.

I'm going to explain.
I apologize if you find this quote offensive. Personally i don't. You could tell this to the person I got it from. Would you happen to know Ana Regzig? From dyingtobethin// http://www.anaregzig.blogspot.com/

The tab of the page you read it in, says quotes, does it not? Did i say politically correct quotes, or perhaps nice pro-ana quotes? No i did not. I said quotes. They are quotes I've happened to stumble upon in my blogging. If it really bothers you that much, just ask and I'd remove it.

It's not that big of a deal. And i know ur going to say something in the comments about it being a big deal.

It's just a quote. Ask and I'll take it down.

That goes for anything on my blog. Just ask and if i deem it to be even slightly offensive I'll take it down.

Just wanted to get that out of the way.
~*~

Oh and if i make it past my fast tomorrow, which i pray to god i do, i will try to continue the fast until Friday so i could try my first salt water flush.

I'll put all the information on that tomorrow.

Love,
~Riki Ana

p.s. I'm getting a camera for christmas so i could finally show u me and my upcoming process.

Be a voice, not an echo.

What's up my loves!?!

So yesterday I went out to dinner with my best friend and her older sister, BEST TIME EVER. I did end up eating a lot of food, but I'm not going to bash my head in over it. We were messing with these two waiters all night, it was funny. The restaurant we went to gives you crayons to draw on the paper which covers the table and we wrote "WE LOVE DAVID AND JON!

Then we showed it to them. They were creeped out a little i think. hahahaha. Then we wrote them letters and put the tip in them to made sure they will read it. hahaha.

Good times.

Today my family is going to get our Christmas tree! We always eat at this one dinner every year, so i think that will be my only meal today. :)

By the way, isn't that article crazy from last post? Just another reason thinner is always the winner. ;)

So i must be off, sorry for the lame short post. More tomorrow, now that my computer is fixed :D

I'm so fucking happy to be back.

Stay Strong

Think Thin

Love,

~Riki Ana

Just an interesting ariticle I thought you'd all enjoy

News
Large Study: Just a Little Bit of Extra Weight May Shorten Life
By AP Dec 2nd 2010 2:39PM
Categories: News, Bmi Waist to Hip Ratio, Food Evaluator, Personalized Calorie Count

Lugging around a few extra pounds? One of the largest studies to look at health and weight finds that you don't have to be obese to raise your risk of premature death. Merely being overweight carries some risk, too.Obesity increases the risk of death from heart disease, stroke and certain cancers.
But whether being merely overweight contributes to an early death as well has been uncertain and controversial. Some research has suggested being a little pudgy has little effect or can even be a good thing.The latest research involving about 1.5 million people concluded that healthy white adults who were overweight were 13 percent more likely to die during the time they were followed in the study than those whose weight is in an ideal range."Having a little extra meat on your bones -- if that meat happens to be fat -- is harmful, not beneficial," said Dr. Michael Thun of the American Cancer Society, senior author of the study.

The study's conclusions, published in Thursday's New England Journal of Medicine, are similar to three other large studies, said the lead author, Amy Berrington of the National Cancer Institute."Now there's really a very large body of evidence which supports the finding that being overweight is associated with a small increased risk of death," Berrington said.For their government-funded analysis, the researchers pooled 19 long-term studies of mostly white adults.

They used each person's body mass index -- a measure of height and weight -- and checked to see who died during the follow-up periods, which ranged from five to 28 years.They focused on people who were healthy at the beginning of the studies, excluding smokers and those with heart disease or cancer because those affect death rates and researchers wanted to see the impact of weight alone.

The lowest death rate for healthy women who had never smoked was in the high end of the ideal body mass index range -- between 22.5 and 24.9. Compared with that group, those who were overweight had an increased risk of death of 13 percent. The increased risk ranged from 44 to 88 percent for those who were obese. The morbidly obese were 2 1/2 times more likely to die prematurely. The results for men were similar.

Most of the participants in the studies were white so the research focused on them. Results may be different in other ethnic and racial groups, Berrington said. She said evidence suggests that for the same BMI level, African-Americans might have a lower risk of death and Asians a higher risk.Two-thirds of U.S. adults are either overweight or obese. Overweight begins at a BMI measurement of 25, obese at 30 and morbidly obese at 40. A 5-foot-6 person is considered overweight at 155 pounds, obese at 186 pounds and morbidly obese at 248 pounds.

Because of its size and the diversity of studies included, the research "provides strong evidence against the position that it's a good thing for health to be overweight," Thun said.The notion that a "bit of reserves" would help keep you from getting sick probably stems from the days when food was scarce, he said.

The latest research was launched after a controversial 2005 study by the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention that concluded being overweight didn't raise the risk of death; that report included smokers and those with pre-existing illnesses.University of South Carolina obesity researcher Steven Blair said the results were consistent with other studies and the "massive effort" was commendable.

But he said there wasn't enough information available about fitness level or physical activity. A proponent of the "fit and fat" theory, Blair said his research has shown that obese people who are tested and deemed fit did not face increased risks of dying."If we want to get to the bottom of the health hazards of overweight and obesity, we have to have better data on physical activity," Blair said. "Until we do that, there's uncertainty of how important BMI is as an important predictor of mortality."

Copyright 2010 The Associated Press. The information contained in the AP news report may not be published, broadcast, rewritten or otherwise distributed without the prior written authority of The Associated Press. All active hyperlinks have been inserted by AOL.

Where has time gone?

Last post: October 5th.

What the hell happened? So much has happened to me and you guys haven't been informed.

Ok so let's see, i got drunk for the first time ever on Saturday. Holy crap, i know. A couple hours of my life gone. *poof*
It wasn't as awesome as everyone makes it out to be.
My friend who wasn't there asked me how it was. I couldn't explain. I feel like part of me, my innocence?, has gone. I know I'm still much more innocent in some ways. But part of my rose-colored glasses have been broken. That fact makes me sad. It makes me realize childhood is pretty damn awesome.

Food wise, I've been pretty normal. Wait, not even pretty. I've been perfectly normal.

Which isn't so perfect.

122.5
The highest I've ever been.

I have slight muffin top; not enough to be gross for other people to look at but large enough for me to notice. I can tell my trust-worthy metabolism is slowly beginning to fail me.


I don't know where me and Ana stand at this point. I don't hear the viscous whisper of whether or not i should eat any more. Every once in a while she speak at lunch, and everyone once in a while I'll listen. But we all are aware of what I did when i got home. *mouth drooling at the thought*

Should I make a full comeback?

I want too, I really do.
But I'm worried about my, i can't think of the word, motivation? No that's not it.
My ability to starve.

Can i handle having Ana return to me? I faintly remember my prime of Ana. *sigh*

I planned on slimming down today. So yesterday after dinner, penne and vodka sauce, i got a packet of breakfast essentials, a drink mix full of vitamins and healthy shit, drank that mixed into a full glass of whole milk and took a multi-vitamin.

So i would be all healthed up my descent.

Can i, the pudgy normal eater, become skinny once more?

Hmmm, we shall see.

Love,
~Riki Ana
P.s. I've missed you all so much!!!!!!!

Oh and i hope Thanksgiving to all you who celebrate it didn't get you down too much.

As i was walking through a life one morning...

Do you believe in something beautiful?
Then get up and be it.

Thanks Ted Leo and Pharmacists, if only it's that easy.

I guess it is. But you have to have the right mind set. I remember the time of beginning of freshman year, i fasted for 3 days, you could say it was easy as pie, but now instead of fighting that pie I'm eating it.

Little side note here, what is so easy about pie? My friend baked one and it look hard to do. Stupid lying food quotes.

I've been so tired lately. I wake up in the morning tired go to school tired, then i shake up things around 4 period and get hungry then after a easy period of standing around in gym after eating lunch of course, i go to chemistry.... you guessed it tired.

What the fuck. I was never this tired even when my days were 500 calories.

I think about Ana a lot. I wonder if i could do my fasts again, drop some pounds, enjoy some beautiful bones.

Maybe, she'd take me back. Even though I'm currently tainted with fatty foods and disgusting amounts of soda, and not the zero calorie kind.

But we can work through that... I hope.

Maybe tomorrow I'll cleanse my system with a fast? I wonder if i could do that? I think i can.

Starting tonight at midnight, i will not eat a morsel of food. This will end tomorrow night at midnight. But i probably will not consume food until breakfast the next morning.

Quoting good ol' teddy
Fighting for the smallest goal-to gain a little self control.

It's time for my fight to begin once more.

Love,
~Riki Ana

Time for change

Current Weight- 116

My body is literally like "Ok, i get it. You can stop eating now. Really, it's not that big of a deal. Come on!"

My mind is like "Must eat more. Cannot fuck up belly. Stop eating, but i can't!"

Gah it is annoying.

Anywho, i changed my profile pic :) The pic i used is from the thinspo from like 3 posts ago.

I am in love with Red Bulls. They are sooooo tasty. Ahh, i have nothing to talk about! Sorry, my life is pretty boring at this point.

I guess i'll tell you about my trip.

We went to this place where my grandma's timeshare is. It's like this giant beach condo like place. There are like 10 buildings with three floors in each. And in each building are like 30 rooms are something.

I was with my dad, his girlfriend, her daughter, me, my bro, and my sister, oh and my bro's best friend.

There was NOTHING to do there. Yes the beach was literally less than a minute from our house. And a pool on the other side of the building. But when your just there with no one to talk to, it gets boring.

So on the first night we we're there my sister wanted to star watch. I didn't want to be in our room so i said sure. The gf's daughter came with us.

So we parked our buts in a nice spot and we're talking when a hot dude walked passed us. The daughter, let's call her Z, said "i like your shirt." he then said "i ain't got a shirt on!" btw- we where in the south so everyone is southern....i have always had a slight southern accent even though I've lived in Jersey all my life.

Long story short, his hot friend came over and we all talked until 1 am. :D But then we had to get out of there cuz the southern charm turned into creppy dudes hahaha. Go figure.

But still it was the best vacation i've had so far. :)

I guess that's i have to say for now.

Love,
~Riki Ana

Fairy tales

I wish i could go somewhere. I want a adventure. I want to live in my own place.

i want....

A lot of stuff.

I mainly want freedom. So i can make my own mistakes, my own decisions, and sink or swim.

But alas, i am only 15. i graduate in 2 years though. Then it's off to college....hopefully. Let's hope i get enough scholar ships so i could actually go.

When ever i think about money and stuff like that, i get worried so i sink back into teenage land-where you have enough freedom and safety to be happy and not worry about 'grown-up stuff'

Sometimes I'm happy being a kid. Like now-ish.

Mainly i just wish i lived in a fairy tale.

I worry wayyy to much. The biggest things on my plate now are,
-find a job
-read summer reading books for school
-get school supplies/new clothes

I know, easy. Well for a teen, there aren't. What work place wants to hire a 15yr old with no skills?

the reading....what ever. I'll do it, then i have to write an essay. :[ I'm bad at essays.

School clothes.... yea, the biggest problem is getting something then when i wear it to school i discover i look retarded.

gah, i sound stupid.....I'm going to stop talking about this now. ;)
~*~

I think I'm going to show you guys a picture of me soon. So you can put a face with the words.
Just a warning....i have man face. hahaha. Really, i do! I have my older brother's face put on mine, except i have wayyy more girly lips. And i pluck my eyebrows. but we could be twins. :D
~*~

Food wise today sucked. Damn devil tacos. In the words of a very nice commenter..... or the somewhat words, I'm kinda ad libbing a little, but they are still technically, somewhat HER WORDS!!!

Be happy that you lost 2lbs, some people can't lose that in a week. Any weight lose is a good sign.


So, i'm going to stay chill and work hard and just be happy.

Anyway,
I better be off to bed.
Sweet dreams my beautiful princesses/princes.
Love,
~Riki Ana

P.s. -I'm starting to look for some great male thinspo for you guys!

Never is a promise you can't afford to make.

Tomorrow my loves is going to be a liquid fast. :D I originally was going to do one today but i decided to eat and take my vitamin, so i could just do it tomorrow.


Anyone want to join??
Ahhh! I'm so excited to finally get that 'i haven't eaten all day' feeling :)


Not much to say....so i guess this will be a short post.

Here's some gorgeous thinspo to inspire all of you!


Hmmmmmm, I just had a thought. Does anyone want me to get guy thinspo too? I'm like 95% sure I have guy readers, so would anyone like dude thinspo instead of chicks for a change??
~*~

Stay Beautiful

Love, Riki Ana

10 days left

I have a big thinspo treat for you!!
Enjoy xoxoxoxox

Let's see, my starting weight before i really wanted to lose was 120 or so. Now I'm 116.5 so 3.5 lbs. NOT GOOD!

I go on vacation in 10 days! So I'm doing a countdown. Today it starts.

I'm think about how if i really want to get down to 105 by then i have to lose around 12 lbs. That's 1.2 lbs a day. Hmm, maybe a fast is in order. I wonder if I'll even be able to do it.

But i must stay strong! I hope you girls are doing good.

Love,

~Riki Ana

Return

Oh my beauties. How I've missed you.

I just weighed myself for my "back to Ana" thingy. Let me tell you it ain't pretty.

116.5, in my defense i have my period so i might be bloated. :/

I know, gross right? I go on vacation on August 16th. that means i have 20 days to get to a decent weight.

What is a decent weight? I don't really know. My goal weight seems impossible. So, I'm going to say below 105, that sounds reasonable.

My eating habits have been put back to "normal" or as I like to call it "fat habits."

It takes 21 days to make a habit and 3 days to break it.

Looks like I'm going to have to defy that and show that i can get my eating habits back in order by then.
~*~

I've missed blogging. It's such an amazing outlet for me. I remember when i first discovered this community, I said i would only read one blog. (It was Ana Regzig's btw) and now look i have my own. It's funny how you can change your mind, I'm glad i did.

I recommend everyone to have a blog, even if you don't use it often, it's nice to know It's there and that there are people waiting to listen to you.

Tomorrow I will fill you all in on my new "plan" to look decent by my vacation.

Love you girls
Sweet Dreams
Love,
~Riki Ana