PMSing, oh joy

Apparently my period has decided to turn me into the biggest bitch of all time. Normally I'm not moody i just angrier easier, but so far this one has made me the posterchild of PMS.

Like yesterday i woke up to find i bled through my pad, through my underwear and through my very thick sweatpants on to my bed. WHAT THE FUCK? so i got up and went to the bathroom and changed i dropped something, i can't remember what, but i lifted my head and smacked at on our wooden door for towels thingy. It hurt like a bitch, then i got angry and my mom was saying something to me and i freaked on her. She then said something back and i started crying. Like what the hell?

Thank god i haven't been in school, or else everyone would think i was crazy.

~*~

I want to thank lov2laff for her sweet comment. it's nice to know people understand what I'm trying to get across.

OH AND HOLY SHIT.

I HAVE 130 FOLLOWERS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

That's amazing! You can't even guess how happy that makes me. :)

Well, i just heard my sister get up so i got to go my beauties.

Love,

~Riki Ana

Sorry for this short shitty post, I'll make up for it next time. :)

Time for a new me?

Someone in the comments asked if they wanted to get on track together, my answer is HELL YES!

Tomorrow i have decided to do my first fast back in the swing of things. :)
It's going to suck, it's going to be hard.
But it's going to be worth it.

So anyone who wants to

FAST TOMORROW.
Starts tonight at Midnight
and for the heck of it
30hrs.

It ends Wednesday at 6:00 AM.

Stay Strong
~*~
I wanted to address a comment written by BattleinMind:
Anorexia Is Not Disese. Anorexia is Not A Game. It Is a Skill Perfected Only By Few. The Pure, The Choosen, And The Flawless."This quote is sickening and so so offensive.

I'm not going to bash you. I'm not going to disagree with you. I'm not going to fight.

I'm going to explain.
I apologize if you find this quote offensive. Personally i don't. You could tell this to the person I got it from. Would you happen to know Ana Regzig? From dyingtobethin// http://www.anaregzig.blogspot.com/

The tab of the page you read it in, says quotes, does it not? Did i say politically correct quotes, or perhaps nice pro-ana quotes? No i did not. I said quotes. They are quotes I've happened to stumble upon in my blogging. If it really bothers you that much, just ask and I'd remove it.

It's not that big of a deal. And i know ur going to say something in the comments about it being a big deal.

It's just a quote. Ask and I'll take it down.

That goes for anything on my blog. Just ask and if i deem it to be even slightly offensive I'll take it down.

Just wanted to get that out of the way.
~*~

Oh and if i make it past my fast tomorrow, which i pray to god i do, i will try to continue the fast until Friday so i could try my first salt water flush.

I'll put all the information on that tomorrow.

Love,
~Riki Ana

p.s. I'm getting a camera for christmas so i could finally show u me and my upcoming process.

As i was walking through a life one morning...

Do you believe in something beautiful?
Then get up and be it.

Thanks Ted Leo and Pharmacists, if only it's that easy.

I guess it is. But you have to have the right mind set. I remember the time of beginning of freshman year, i fasted for 3 days, you could say it was easy as pie, but now instead of fighting that pie I'm eating it.

Little side note here, what is so easy about pie? My friend baked one and it look hard to do. Stupid lying food quotes.

I've been so tired lately. I wake up in the morning tired go to school tired, then i shake up things around 4 period and get hungry then after a easy period of standing around in gym after eating lunch of course, i go to chemistry.... you guessed it tired.

What the fuck. I was never this tired even when my days were 500 calories.

I think about Ana a lot. I wonder if i could do my fasts again, drop some pounds, enjoy some beautiful bones.

Maybe, she'd take me back. Even though I'm currently tainted with fatty foods and disgusting amounts of soda, and not the zero calorie kind.

But we can work through that... I hope.

Maybe tomorrow I'll cleanse my system with a fast? I wonder if i could do that? I think i can.

Starting tonight at midnight, i will not eat a morsel of food. This will end tomorrow night at midnight. But i probably will not consume food until breakfast the next morning.

Quoting good ol' teddy
Fighting for the smallest goal-to gain a little self control.

It's time for my fight to begin once more.

Love,
~Riki Ana

Fairy tales

I wish i could go somewhere. I want a adventure. I want to live in my own place.

i want....

A lot of stuff.

I mainly want freedom. So i can make my own mistakes, my own decisions, and sink or swim.

But alas, i am only 15. i graduate in 2 years though. Then it's off to college....hopefully. Let's hope i get enough scholar ships so i could actually go.

When ever i think about money and stuff like that, i get worried so i sink back into teenage land-where you have enough freedom and safety to be happy and not worry about 'grown-up stuff'

Sometimes I'm happy being a kid. Like now-ish.

Mainly i just wish i lived in a fairy tale.

I worry wayyy to much. The biggest things on my plate now are,
-find a job
-read summer reading books for school
-get school supplies/new clothes

I know, easy. Well for a teen, there aren't. What work place wants to hire a 15yr old with no skills?

the reading....what ever. I'll do it, then i have to write an essay. :[ I'm bad at essays.

School clothes.... yea, the biggest problem is getting something then when i wear it to school i discover i look retarded.

gah, i sound stupid.....I'm going to stop talking about this now. ;)
~*~

I think I'm going to show you guys a picture of me soon. So you can put a face with the words.
Just a warning....i have man face. hahaha. Really, i do! I have my older brother's face put on mine, except i have wayyy more girly lips. And i pluck my eyebrows. but we could be twins. :D
~*~

Food wise today sucked. Damn devil tacos. In the words of a very nice commenter..... or the somewhat words, I'm kinda ad libbing a little, but they are still technically, somewhat HER WORDS!!!

Be happy that you lost 2lbs, some people can't lose that in a week. Any weight lose is a good sign.


So, i'm going to stay chill and work hard and just be happy.

Anyway,
I better be off to bed.
Sweet dreams my beautiful princesses/princes.
Love,
~Riki Ana

P.s. -I'm starting to look for some great male thinspo for you guys!

Re-do

I'm ready for a re-do of my body, of my life, and of myself.

These past couple weeks of my hiatus, was...oh how should i put it...Bad. I'm quite...unqualified to even try to wear a bathing suit right now.

I've broken a new record with my weight. And no, that's NOT good. My new high weight as of yesterday was 119. But don't worry my sweets, i restricted yesterday and brought myself back down to a still fat, 117.5

I'm also quite bloated, from our favorite....monthly curse.

I've started to put together a binder of things i want. Like the "easy tone" shoes (since I'm always walking) and this awesome dress, a fridge reorganization (looking forward for when i move out in 4 years *sigh*)

I just got the prettiest bikini yesterday! I. Need. A. Flat. Stomach. I have 10 days till July 4th. That was my goal for 95..... guess not. I have to lose 22.5 lbs to get to my goal. I'm striving for
1lb a day.

My main motivation is the belly button piercing I'm getting on August 20th. So, I'm excited for that.

Oh my loves, how i have missed you all. My mind is always here even if I'm not.
But don't you worry, because I'm back! :D

Maybe once i get my camera for my b-day I'll upload some pic of my bathing suit body....that is once I finally achieve that body.

Tomorrow I'm thinking I'm going to fast, in honor of school ending yesterday. You know what that means? It means, that I'll have more time to blog! :)

Until my fast tomorrow, fruits/veggies ONLY.

It's time for me to show my hunger who's boss.

Love,
Riki Ana

P.S.--Check out this awesome/thinspo song!!

Me and Mia- Ted Leo & The Pharmacists

As I was walking through a life one morning the sun was out,
the air was warm, but Oh, I was cold
And though I must have looked half a person,
to tell the tale, in my own version,
It was only then that I felt whole

Do you believe in something beautiful?
Then get up and be it

Fighting for the smallest goal: to get a little self-control
I know how hard you try. I see it in your eyes
But call your friends, 'cause we've forgotten what it's like to eat what's rotten
And what's eating you alive might help you to survive.
We went on as we were on a mission, latest in a Grand Tradition
And oh, what did we find?
It was Ego who was flying the banner, and me and Mia, Ann and Ana
Oh, we'd been unkind

But do you believe in something beautiful?
Then get up and be it

Fighting for the smallest goal: to get a little self-control
I see it in your eyes, I see it in your spine.
But call your friends,
'cause we've forgotten what it's like to eat what's rotten
And what's eating you alive, might help you to survive.

And even the nights, they could get better
And even the days ain't all that bad
And after a week of fighting, as more and more it seems the right thing

But do you believe in something beautiful?
Then get up and be it

Fighting for the smallest goal: to gain a little self-control
Won't anybody here just let you disappear?
Not doctors, nor your mom and dad, but me and Mia, Ann and Ana
Know how hard you try. Don't you see it in my eyes?
Sick to death of my dependence, fighting food to find transcendence
Fighting to survive, more dead but more alive
Cigarettes and speed for livin', and sleeping pills to feel forgiven
All that you contrive, and all that you're deprived
All the bourgeois social angels telling you you've got to change
Don't have any idea. They'll never see so clear.
But don't forget what it really means to hunger strike
when you don't really need to
Some are dying for a cause, but that don't make it yours.

And even the nights, they could get better.

I did it!

Yay! Fast completed. Woo-hoo! My weight dropped two pounds, making me 108...again. Well, at least it's not 108.5

I completed the fast with.....*doing math in my head*...........*This might take a while*.......................*i told you it would*............ 45 calories.

I think.

Yesterday all i had was water, a diet Snapple, a coke zero, and a vitamin water.

Today, i was planning on fasting again. Since yesterday went so smoothly. But then i remembered that today I'm supposed to hang out with my dad. He's going to take me on a motorcycle ride, and to taco bell. Damn, and here the ONE time i actually WANT to fast. Well, i can always fast all day, get the 150 cal-Fresco taco, Then fast the rest of the day. The taco might even be a metabolism booster.

Want to know what i was craving yesterday. A salad. I've never craved salad in my ENTIRE LIFE. But oh, i wanted 2 cups of fresh express salad with snap peas, and carrots, with onion With 2 tablespoons of salsa on on. mmmmmmmmmm. That would total to be......40 cals. Yummy.

Wouldn't that be a feast for a king?

That also reminds me i need to buy measuring cups/ measuring spoons. Right now all i have left is a plastic measuring cup for liquids-up to 2 cups. And a 1/4 dry measuring cup. Sure, i can do basic measurements with the 1/4 but I'm lazy. Oh, the measuring spoons are a must. How am i going to measure the salsa for my salad?
~*~

Anyway, I love you guys! Your all so supportive! It shocks me that I'm so close to you. I'm don't trust people easily, and know from reading your blogs and talking to some of you through email, I'm almost closer to you than my some of my friends!

Anyway, i hope i still lose weight even if i eat the taco. I hope I'm Thinner tomorrow than i am today.

Love,
~Riki Ana
xoxoxo

Happy easter!

107.5 lbs. Holy shit, i lost a pound. YAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYYAY!

Today is Easter so i'll have to be on the look out for staying away from food.

I'm so happy i'm back down to 107.5!
But i don't really feel like i deserve it, Since yesterday, really i ate like a pig, but i was shopping with my mom, and with her she rushes so your almost running though out the store, then she's like HAVE DINNER! i was like ok. So i ate then went to bed. Bad move. I need to always not be still after eating for like 2hrs. or else it sits on my stomach, which it did last night. Ugggh. So i woke up like 11:30ish then i felt my stomach lurch, and me running to the bathroom puking. Great.
So maybe that's how i lost a pound?

What ever, a pound lost is still a pound lost.

I hope you all are doing good! Stay away from Easter candy and treats!

Love,
~Riki Ana!

This is NOT ACCEPTABLE!

Fuck, FUCK, FUCK. Would someone like to explain to me, how 2 meals, 2 frikin measly meals, caused me to gain 2 FUCKING POUNDS!



well, Ok it wasn't just 2 meals.


Yesterday my Dad took us to the flea market. (we always go, it's like a family tradition) Anyway, i was trying to be a good little Ana and not eat, but i had a soft pretzel (that wasn't even good) Then apparently that wasn't "lunch" so i had to choose something else and i got french fries. My family had some too.

Then we got back to her house and she gave us pizza, with a side of chips. When i got back to my house i had a 3 granola bars.


Then angry with myself i decided to take the dog for a walk, hoping it would burn something.


I was expecting 108, but 109 UNACCEPTABLE.

TODAY=NO FOOD.


well, that's what i would want it to be. But i can't since i have to go out to lunch for a birthday party for a extended family member. I've been to the place before, like 2 years ago, the food is good, which is often a sign of high calorie content. :( So, Salad here i come!

Ugh, i hate going up in weight after feeling lower. *sigh*


Anyway here's some thinspo for you lovely ladies, to inspire you to get to your goals!






I hope you have been inspired!
Have a lovely day my skinny minnies.
Love,
Riki Ana
xoxox