Well, Duh.

Today was uneventful except that i bought a 4 pack of fruit cups-70 cals per cup, and some white cheddar rice cakes-45 cals a piece.

In the morning I drank a bottle of water then a diet Snapple, another bottle of water, ate a salad at school, then i came home and went to work. My mom decided to surprise me with Wendy's. Oh god, I couldn't resist-chicken nugget and fry kids meal, bc she knows i don't eat a whole order haaha. I ate it but with Ana's voice screaming in my head i snapped a rubber band on my wrist every bite. If I ate, I deserved to be punished.
~*~

In other news, My brother has decided to be an arrogant asshole by continually asking me about our step sister's attempted suicide. Let's get this straight first- he hates her, everything about her, has barely had a full conversation with her. Yet he expects me to violate her trust and tell him everything. Since he wants to become a doctor i understand his interest, but honestly its none of his business. He's not worried about her, he's just curious. I find that fucked up.

He will never be able to understand the want of death.

“Did you really want to die?"
"No one commits suicide because they want to die."
"Then why do they do it?"
"Because they want to stop the pain.”
― Tiffanie DeBartolo, How to Kill a Rock Star

he will never understand what it's like to hide in your closet and swallow handfuls of Advil while crying. He will never understand what it was like to go to sleep thinking "here we go, finally i can be happy." He will never understand what it felt like to wake up.
~*~

Well girls and boys, tis bed time.

Starve on, Think Thin
Love,
~Riki Ana

P.s. Be kind for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle- Plato.

Hello world.

Today just started out as a shitty day and ended like one.

First I trip going up the stairs and slam my fingers into the concrete trying to save my face- hurt like a bitch. Then i walk into my classroom and my water bottle falls off my desk, flips over causing the top to act as a missile directly on to my foot, while wearing flip flops-hurt like a bitch. Got called in to work on my day off- fucking sucked. Had my boss ask me if i was pregnant because i was bloated- fucking sucked.

I DO NOT LOOK PREGNANT!

that fucking hurt the most out of today, the physical pain went away quickly while that question will fucking haunt me.

I'm not that fat....am i? I mean, yeah i haven't been sticking to my diet but I'm no where near pregnant status. oh god, this is gonna mind fuck me forever.
~*~

Dear Riki,

I told you before Riki, Ana never lies, without me you are nothing and will turn into a fat slob. 118 lbs? God what is wrong with you! Okay, i will admit it's a nighttime weight, but that is completely unacceptable.

Is it that hard to keep food out of your fucking mouth? I know this seems harsh, but you need this kick in the ass. I'm done playing around watching you turn the body I once worked so hard on into a piece of shit.

Why don't you look at these beautiful girls who can do what you have failed at...
















You need to realize Riki that you can look like them. All you have to do is listen to me.

Love,
Ana
p.s. I'll be watching you, don't disappoint me.
~*~

I hope you enjoyed my little thinspo treat for you guys!

Stay Strong, and Think Thin.
Love,
~Riki Ana

Fuck you life.

So this fat bitch is telling people im a baby ho. Oh really? I wanna fucking slash her tires. She's saying imma hoe when she has the clap? wtf.... well i cant say much on the std part but im not a whore like she is. one time she gave me a ride home and this phrase came out of her mouth...
"Well he's not attractive but dick is dick so whatever."

WHAT THE FUCK?

ughghfgifsdfiaofgrjhiogtferio;vfgoweraghioerahg
im so pissed.
~*~

but in other news
I've stayed below 1500 for a week
and now im staying below 1200

i wanna do a fast soon.

I miss the feeling of hollowness, the empty growl.

Mmmm, i want it back.
I'll get it too.
I fucking will.

Love,
~Riki Ana

P.s. i have so much more to say but i'm beat tonight. Tomorrow ill re-open up my life to all you beautiful boys and girls.



****HOLY SHIT I FORGOT!****
I have a phone now, so leave me a comment and ill give you my number so we can be Ana texting buddies, that will seriously keep me on track

Liquid fast Day 2- Nighttime

Failure.

Why, might you ask? One word-FAMILY.

I was doing great it was around 3:30pm no food. Then my dad came over and suddenly i had a bag of peanut M&M's in my hand. FUCK. Then more food, and more food. DAMNIT!

Fuck failure. I'm sick of myself. I'm sick of fucking everything.

I will lose weight. My birthday is 1 week from Friday, and i REFUSE to be fucking 119 lbs on MY fucking day.

*taking a deep breath*

Tonight i will sleep in.

Tomorrow will go like this.

-wake up 10AM

-watch TV/blog 10-12AM

-Clean house12-1PM

-Walk around town 1-whenever

I better not fail tomorrow.

or

There WILL be hell to pay.

****DEEEEEEEPPPP BRRREEEAAATTTHHHH*******

I love you all, my beauties.

Good-night/Sweet dreams

Love,

~Riki Ana

p.s. here's some Thinspo to help you dream about beautiful goals that you CAN achieve :D