Hello world.

Today just started out as a shitty day and ended like one.

First I trip going up the stairs and slam my fingers into the concrete trying to save my face- hurt like a bitch. Then i walk into my classroom and my water bottle falls off my desk, flips over causing the top to act as a missile directly on to my foot, while wearing flip flops-hurt like a bitch. Got called in to work on my day off- fucking sucked. Had my boss ask me if i was pregnant because i was bloated- fucking sucked.

I DO NOT LOOK PREGNANT!

that fucking hurt the most out of today, the physical pain went away quickly while that question will fucking haunt me.

I'm not that fat....am i? I mean, yeah i haven't been sticking to my diet but I'm no where near pregnant status. oh god, this is gonna mind fuck me forever.
~*~

Dear Riki,

I told you before Riki, Ana never lies, without me you are nothing and will turn into a fat slob. 118 lbs? God what is wrong with you! Okay, i will admit it's a nighttime weight, but that is completely unacceptable.

Is it that hard to keep food out of your fucking mouth? I know this seems harsh, but you need this kick in the ass. I'm done playing around watching you turn the body I once worked so hard on into a piece of shit.

Why don't you look at these beautiful girls who can do what you have failed at...
















You need to realize Riki that you can look like them. All you have to do is listen to me.

Love,
Ana
p.s. I'll be watching you, don't disappoint me.
~*~

I hope you enjoyed my little thinspo treat for you guys!

Stay Strong, and Think Thin.
Love,
~Riki Ana

All my work ruined in a meal.

So today i felt really skinny when i woke up, and decided to weigh myself.
113.5
I LOST 6.5 LBS YAYYY!

so i didn't eat all day in anticipation of a welcome back family dinner i had to go to tonight.
holy shit i ate a lot.

Tomorrow nothing shall pass through these lips.

I probably gained back at least 3 or 4 lbs.
FUCK.

I will be 100 or less by the start of school.
The sad truth?

i don't care how bad it will be losing these 13.5 lbs

I cannot wait to walk into the hallways wearing my new *crossing my fingers* size 1 jeans. (right now I'm a 3) I'll wear a breezy top that flutters and shows my defined hipbones and concave stomach.

I want people to whisper about how skinny I've gotten behind my back.

I will make it happen.

I will make other girls jealous. Fuck everyone who doubts me. It will be nothing be coffee, smokes, and cold diet cokes. Because that's what pretty girls are made of.

~*~

My bi friend from last post wants to kill herself now. I talked to her on the phone for 2 hours listening to her cry.
Her mom told her she would rather her be dead than gay.

If she kills herself, I'll punch her mom in the face. I swear to god.

Love,
~Riki Ana

p.s. Stay Strong beauties. I;m always up for new texting buddies! xoxoxo

Time for a comeback

Well, my life has not been going where i've expected...

But yes, this is my return to Ana.

My life has become fucked up-ish. Let's go over what has happened. I had a boyfriend named Chris, i explored my physical side of a relationship, so i've had everything that isn't sex. Oral, anal, all that shit. Except with the anal he put it in and i told him to take it the fuck out cuz it hurt hahahaha Now we are broken up, we dated a month, i feel kinda slutty.

I smoke cigarettes now, around 6 a day. I smoke weed, let's just say enough to be considered a stoner in my school. the people i used to look down upon i have become.

I have in school suspension tomorrow for cutting classes, and ill have sense again for cutting chemistry, which im failing btw, except i didn't mean to cut. I cut lunch to go smoke a cigarette like i do everyday and my friends wanted to smoke weed so i went with them and smoked except stupid me was massively dehydrated and i passed out. It was awesome.

I lost all of my old friends because i've changed and my new friends are untrustworthy but fun to be around. I have a couple old friends left.
I lost my main friend Rania, she was the girl that was moving an hour away and i cried for. Fuck her. She betrayed me. She told my sister i drank and smoked weed, and smoked cigarettes, and that i have snuck out before. Stupid bitch.

My weight is 120-122.2.

Fuck that. I'll write more later.
It's good to be back.
Love,
~Riki Ana

Time for change

Current Weight- 116

My body is literally like "Ok, i get it. You can stop eating now. Really, it's not that big of a deal. Come on!"

My mind is like "Must eat more. Cannot fuck up belly. Stop eating, but i can't!"

Gah it is annoying.

Anywho, i changed my profile pic :) The pic i used is from the thinspo from like 3 posts ago.

I am in love with Red Bulls. They are sooooo tasty. Ahh, i have nothing to talk about! Sorry, my life is pretty boring at this point.

I guess i'll tell you about my trip.

We went to this place where my grandma's timeshare is. It's like this giant beach condo like place. There are like 10 buildings with three floors in each. And in each building are like 30 rooms are something.

I was with my dad, his girlfriend, her daughter, me, my bro, and my sister, oh and my bro's best friend.

There was NOTHING to do there. Yes the beach was literally less than a minute from our house. And a pool on the other side of the building. But when your just there with no one to talk to, it gets boring.

So on the first night we we're there my sister wanted to star watch. I didn't want to be in our room so i said sure. The gf's daughter came with us.

So we parked our buts in a nice spot and we're talking when a hot dude walked passed us. The daughter, let's call her Z, said "i like your shirt." he then said "i ain't got a shirt on!" btw- we where in the south so everyone is southern....i have always had a slight southern accent even though I've lived in Jersey all my life.

Long story short, his hot friend came over and we all talked until 1 am. :D But then we had to get out of there cuz the southern charm turned into creppy dudes hahaha. Go figure.

But still it was the best vacation i've had so far. :)

I guess that's i have to say for now.

Love,
~Riki Ana

I'm Back!!

The day before yesterday i got back from my vacation in North Carolina. For once it was quite......entertaining. I lost 7 lbs during the 4 day trip even though i ate like a pig. I went from 120 to 113. Right now i'm at 115.

But i cannot lose any weight for the time being.

Why, might you ask? Because on said trip i got my belly button pierced. If i was any skinnier i wouldn't have been able to get it done. The guy said i was so thin and my stomach was so tight that i had barley any skin there. Also if i lose any more weight my piercing will start to move out of my body because the skin will strecth tighter.

I regret getting done. :( I just don't like it, it doesn't feel like me. I'm thinking about taking it out before it heals so i won't have any scar from it.

But my dad will be pissed because he paid for it.

Gah, i don't know what to do.

Ooh, i have picture for you!!! I have one of my piercing and a picture of me. I look like crap in both. I was on vacation! Who tries to look nice on vacation, seriously?!?!


I was sitting down so my tummy looks big.

*Picture has been removed by author*

It was windy so my hair was crazy, haha. I'll show you better pics next time. In that pic i wasn't happy because I was bored so I'll get you guys one of me smiling next time. :)

That's all for now!

Love,

~Riki Ana

Good morning my beautiful girls

I finally figured something out. I eat more around people then when I'm by myself. I was at my friend's house yesterday, and i ate D: but anyway, whenever she was next to me i would eat, then when ever she left the room i would put it down, then when she would come back in..... it's a fucking cycle!!!

Now that i noticed i realize I've done this for a while. At lunch i would always eat IN FRONT of my friends.

WHY?

I think it's because i want them to think 'I'm naturally skinny, see i eat ALL the time, I couldn't skip days of eating!'

If this is the case for the rest of my liquid fast i might have to be MIA, and no not mia, i mean Missing In Action.
At least for the friends i always eat around. My other friend R, we just walk through 3 different towns while drinking 32oz diet cokes that we got for 54cents :) Maybe I'll give her a call....
~*~

In other news,more from Haley. "I'm sorry if i offended you in anyway .. You are right I've never experienced a eating disorder. And i never know anyone with one.. So i guess I'm just curious of why some one would want to be so skinny? That is why I'm at your blog. And I don't want you to think i hate skinny people because I wouldn't want to be fat myself I just never had the chance to feel what it was like to have a little meat on my bones."

Oh, you didn't offend me, quite the opposite. When i read your first comment it seemed more like a challenge. Like you were trying to tell me i had no right for trying to starve myself. That my way of life way wrong.

Your welcome to read my blog anytime. I see now that your just trying to understand a different kind of living that we experience. Just as long your not trying to shut me down, your welcome to read.

Personally, i hate the feeling of fat on my bones. Maybe having fat on my ass for a cushion of sucky chairs but that's about it. I smile when i feel bone.

Now you're 82 lbs...And you hate it. You just can't gain weight. Try eating things that have a high amount of fat. Nothing diet. Drink whole milk, eat cake. Sorry the only time i've ever tried to gain weight was for a doctor's appoment, and that was like my second post or something. Try drinking Ensure! It's a nutrinal liquid, high in calories, that you can buy in the food store. They give it to paitents on eating disorder units to make them gain weight. I thinking it might do the same for you.

For most "normal" people, they'll never be able to understand what goes on in our minds. I don't really care what anyone thinks of my lifestyle, and i'll contuine to do it. But that is your lifestyle, and i'm not going to stop you in getting what you want, and nobody should. I hope you get the curves you desire.

Gain weight,
~Riki Ana
~*~

Now, back to bussiness, today i declare is NO FAIL DAY for me! I know, i'm cheesy, but that's why you love me right?!? :D

If R can't hang out it looks like i'll be stuck away from everyone, if that's what it takes I'm willing to do it.

Ooh, GREAT SHOW ALERT! Losing it with Jillian. The chick from biggest loser.
Here's the website for the show http://www.nbc.com/losing-it-with-jillian/
BEST SHOW EVER! She screams at them to keep trying and lose thier weight ahhh such a good show!

YOU MUST WATCH IT. hahaha :D

Anyway,
That's all for now my chickaboos.
Starve on
And Think Thin
Love,
~Riki Ana

One word, many complications. MALL

It's 10:14 pm. I have to get to bed soon, since i have to wake up early tomorrow. Today i ate around....750-850 cals. Not Bad.




I was going to fast today but i decided that since i'm going to end up eating something crappy, i should have my metabolism going.



I feel fat. *sigh* I've been looking at thinspo all day, and now i'm just plain old depressed.



I've been having a lot of food thoughts all day. Many the most evil words EVER spoken WETZEL PRETZEL **Gasp** all i've been thinking of is a sinfully cinnamon pretzel. Mmm


But then i think of the dress episode from a while ago, when i couldn't get it over my head. D:



But come on, It has the word sinful in the title! Who would want to eat something sinful? What marketing company is like "What should we call this?" "OOH ME! PICK ME!" "Anyone anyone at all" "ME! OVER HERE!" "*Sigh* Ok what is it." "SINFUL CINNAMON!" "But why would you eat something sinful?" NOOO MAKE IT THAT *cries* "Ok, ok it's sinfull!" "YAYYYAYAYAY!"


~*~
I have to thank Ana Banana for the beautiful blogger award! I'll do that official post tomorrow. :)


:) :D :) :D :) :D :) :D :) :D :) :D

Anyway, i'm sleepy. Good night everyone! Or Good morning if you life somewhere like that!

I wish i looked like her laying down ^^^^

One Day i will.

Love,

~Riki Ana

xoxox

Hunger

MY.HEAD.HURTS. ugh, i feel like crap. I can't tell if it's from not eating all day or just the sickness. Either way, IT SUCKS.

In other news, i'm hungry. Wow, that exciting. During lunch i felt a crack in my armor but i got a vitamin water instead. YUMMY! So my only intake so far was water and a zero-cal vitamin water. :D

My tummy hurts :( it feels acidic, sort-of.

~*~

OhMyGosh- i got your email! I'll text you as soon as possible....I just need to find my phone haha

I feel all rambly. Like i can't have a coherent thought, it just side-tracks into another one.

GAH! I'm writers blocked.

~*~**~*~*~**~*~*~***~*~**~*~*~*~*~

OK here we go again.

I'm staying strong today. NO FOOD. On Saturday, as you all know, I'm going to get my dress. Then that night I'm sleeping over my friend C's house. Her dad, who is a AMAZING cook, is making us dinner. She said either Pizza, or Spaghetti. **HIGH CALORIE ALERT** There is also going to be a lot of snacks. I'm not fasting today, just to have it ruined then! SO I'm taking a sleeve of rice cakes to snack on all night. :)

Another thing is i have to do a entire 10pg drama project DUE TOMORROW! Ugh. I hate my teacher. She doesn't tell us anything until the day before. SO all-nighter for that shit. :(

Ok, I'm to jambled to write anymore. Sorry for the crappy post, just had to fill you guys in!!!!

Love,

~Riki Ana

Gahh

Yesterday's treat was a little.....Large. Which is like my weight right now. Today was....let's refer to today as a EWWWWW day, shall we?



Tomorrow=No excuses.



I'm sick of lying to myself every fucking day. I wake up in the morning saying "Ok, i'm going to do good! Remember your fasting today. Water and Juice" Then around 4th period right before lunch, i ask myself "well, should i eat? Something small maybe? A side salad?" Of course not. I get fries. Disgusting cafeteria fries. Oh and listen to this. The lunch lady just immediately says "fries?" and serves them without even looking up to see my order. Yea, i'm that person. I'm a fat, coming back for more, customer.



I'm disgusted with myself. I need to not give up halfway through the day!



I'm making a promise. I'm fasting tomorrow, and i PINKY SWEAR to you guys that i will not break it.





~*~
Anyway, i've been thinking about the whole cigarette thing. That has been the main topic of my mind for the past 2 days. I'm still trying to decide whether or not to smoke another one. Like, i've been through the health classes, I know the side effects, i know it's bad. But oh, is it alluring.


But then i think of my mom, and her smoker's cough. Then again, i think of it's effect of getting rid of cravings. I believe over the years, i have smoker's lungs already. Whenever my mom smokes she blows it towards me instead of my sister, since my sister has bronchial something. :/


I know for a fact, my brother AND sister smoke, what? i'm not entirely sure, If you catch my drift.



So, i'm thinking.


~*~
I'm like 99.9% sure i'm getting sick. My throat is starting to hurt, and my neck itself hurts, my back hurts, ughh i'm all achy. :(
Anyway, to brighten your day and mine here is a beautiful pic i discovered. I'll think about her while i fast tomorrow!

Love,

~Riki Ana

Oh god

Hello, my lovely skinnies.

Today was suckish. I'm not eating tomorrow-(Hopefully) Saturday. Why might you ask? Well, this Saturday i'm going dress shopping for my best friend's 15th birthday. It's this July 11th. I don't want to be fat. Really i want to be 95 by then. I face this question. Should i get a tiny dress for the weight loss i hope i will have? Or, do i get the correct size, and IF i do those the weight, have it be slightly baggy on me?

Tough call. What do you guys think?

Anyway, I'm in a ehh mood. I had to take a 3hr Bio test today, that was just joy full. Then i found out that i have a World History Test tomorrow on top of another 3 hr Bio test. Whoo-fucking-hoo. So i have to study for that. Yay! We all know how much i love studying. -_-

My mom is buying a pizza. I'll think i will have a slice. You should have heard my tummy during the test. It was pin-drop quiet and all you hear is **GURGLE***GROWL*** Yea, i'm that person haha.

Who knows, maybe i'll treat myself tonight as a little "last party" sort of thing. I'm not really in a body-hating sort of mood, though i will be on the scale bright and early tomorrow. o_O

I bought a lot of low-cal food items too. So that's good. I leave on the note of a thinspo pic, and the smell of pizza coming from upstairs.

Love,

~Riki Ana

Beauty is in the eye of the beholder.

GOOD MORNING EVERYONE! It is currently 54 degrees out, and it's going to go up to a GORGEOUS 73 with partly cloudy skies. Winds are NNW at 5 to 10 mph.

^^^Wouldn't i make great weather-woman?^^^

Hehe anyway back in normal people world, i am down 1 lbs today. 115. OK. Not good, but better than before. As you can see, I'm bored as hell. I'm weird when I'm bored hahah.

Oh yea, brother drama has been smoothed over. He apologized and took me to taco bell where we ate in his car and watched TV shows on his i-touch. He had the WORST day ever and i guess he needed a release or something. I feel like it sucks for non-bloggers, because yesterday i was sooooo hyped up about what happened and writing it to you guys made me calm down and process the situation. Others don't have that so the stew in their upset-ness till they explode!

I'm in a good mood today as you can prolly tell. haha. Today i think i might fast, but if i can't make it the whole day i'll eat something so 0-500 cals today.

Yesterday I tried smoking a cigarette for the first time. I didn't really like the way it tasted or anything, but i like the way it felt. Forbidden. I know it's bad for my health, i don't really think I'll do it again. After all that happened yesterday i felt like just doing SOMETHING, so i stole a pack of my mom's cigarettes and took 1. No one was home, so i stood in front of the mirror blowing puffs of smoke in the bathroom. Then i heard my brothers car pull in. FUCK. So i shut the bathroom door, and threw the window open and sprayed hairspray to cover the scent. Then i started brushing my teeth, I did that twice, and rinsed with super strong mouth wash twice.

Then my brother said to get in his car to go to taco bell. (I got a 150 cal fresco taco btw) So i grabbed a perfume bottle and sprayed it. I smelled really strong of it. Then i got into his car and i could still taste the cigarette! I was so worried he could too! So i kept the window open, while he complained of how i smelt so bad of the perfume. Then after I ate the taco i felt better, since i could no longer taste it.

So yesterday was very....Eventful.

Today I'm taking a road trip with the family to Pennsylvania. So today will be easy to get by with no food. :)

Love,

~Riki Ana

xoxoxo

2nd post of the day

Hello everyone, I'm feeling much less defeated right now. i didn't do so bad today. I ate a bag of chocolate covered pretzels in self-hate 330 cals then i purged them. Then for dinner i had 210 cals of pasta. and like 250 in drinks alone. even all that including the pretzels (just in case) it's 790. So hopefully 115 or *praying to god* 114.

I think you girls are right. I have to let the past be the past, and instead focus on my future. If i stay strong now and work extra had i can be around 100 by June first. Thank you guys for you inspiring words. <3
~*~

In family news, I'm no longer talking to my brother. I'm sick of his shit. He comes in to the house and starts yelling at me for no reason. My sister left his chair in the middle of his room and he started yelling. Then he broke the chair. What the hell? Control yourself! Then he started yelling at me, so naturally i yelled back. Then he screamed at me to "not raise my voice" So i started yelling more. Then i don't remember if i started it or he did, but i do remember him holding me to the ground me crying to let go, and him yelling at me to say sorry. I said nothing. I started kicking him in the back while trying to get up and he said not to kick him and hit me lightly in the back. I still said nothing. He asked me to apologise. Again i said nothing, so he got up and stalked into his room. Then he went outside.

I brought him the phone to talk to our mother and he asked who it was. I said nothing and handed it to him. He yelled "I'm not talking to them!" and threw the phone. Remember we are outside. It crashed to the ground. Luckily it did not break.

Then a short time later i was inside. i went to go shut the front door since it was wide open. I shut it and apparently my brother was coming up the stairs. I did not see him. He threw the door open and yelled at me "DON'T SHUT THE DOOR IN MY FACE!"

Finally he left to go hang out with his friends. I understand having bad days, but he does shit like this weekly. He should fucking know better. He's 20, I'm 14. I love my brother, i do. But he has to grow up and stop acting like a 2 year old having a temper tantrum.

Though it probably sounds worse typed out, but I'm not going to forgive him. I should but I'm just so fucking sick of this. I get it, our life is hard, but just stop already.

Me and my mom are the only normal people in my family. The 14 year old ED child. And the single mother working 2 jobs.

Doesn't everyone love family life?
~*~

Sorry for springing family drama on you guys. Ugh, i need to get out of this house. I think I'm going to go for a jog.

Love,
~Riki Ana

100th post

Why yes this is my 100th post, so on that note YAY!
~*~

Today i stood on my scale horrified. This is the first time I've weighed myself in 2 days maybe? I weigh a hippo-size of 116. That is my highest weight. Words cannot describe how i felt when i saw that number. June 1st is in 17 days. That means i would have to lose 6.8 lbs EVERY DAY to get to my goal weight. I just can't do it. I will try, but right now i only have one mood.

Defeated

I love you all, you beautiful girls.
Love,
~Riki Ana
~*~
It's good to be beautiful.
It's good to feel beautiful.
Ana is my life. Ana is my soul.
It is what I choose for me,not what I choose for you.
As I shed my shell and emerge
from my cocoon, I do so
knowing who I am,
and knowing what I do....
~*~

No more excuses

It's going to start raining soon :) I LOVE the sky right before it rains. It is BEAUTIFUL.
Whenever i spell beautiful i say in my head B-E-A-U-TI-FUL. hehe.

Anyway my scale weight was NOT what i was expecting. I was expecting 117 or some shit like that.

But i got.....113.5

I know, wow, what the hell happened?

But right now i'm saying, Forgive myself, use this as a learning experience, and do better today.

So far zero cals. It's 9:12 am. Not that big of an accomplishment but so far so good.

~*~

OHHH, remember thinspo girl like 2 posts ago? She could refuse food like the boss. Well, my world history class had a party and there was SO much YUMMY food there. But guess what i ate?
2 servings of salad and a sun-chip. YAY! i felt awesome. Everyone around me was stuffing their face with chicken parm, pasta, bread, and CAKE. But not me! Nope, i refuse. Oh and people were drinking their high calorie soda's i had coke zero. Who ever brought that in THANK YOU!!

I felt AWE-SOME.
~*~

I hope you enjoyed my previous post. It was a little insight into the can of crazy called my mind. :D

Anyway, i'll probably sit home today. I'm aiming for 1oo cals of liquid today.

Maybe thinspo later hmmmmm?

Love you girlies
~Riki Ana
Stay Strong
xoxox

30 days

Day 1 of fast-Completed

YAY! I feel completely empty right now. It's 7:40 am my mom is now asking what i want for breakfast. "Mom, i just woke up, I'm not hungry right now maybe later" "Do you want Dunkin Donuts?" "Sure"

Not that i plan on eating them. My mind set is FAST-NO FOOD.

Yesterday wasn't hard surprisingly. I had a weak moment earlier on in the day and i was going to eat but then i saw some Coke zero and went to town on that. I drank 2 liters worth yesterday. Yikes. Today i plan on having one glass all day.

Oh yea, I was heating up some lasagna for my bro and when it came out it didn't seem hot enough so i put my finger on it to test it. It was hot, then i had some lasagna crap on my finger so went to put it in my mouth and it touched the tip of my tongue; then i realized what i was doing. I immediately spat the trace of food out, rinsed with water a couple times, and then another couple times. So i think I'm safe.

I'm not really feeling any hunger pains this morning. Just empty, sort of hollow. :D
~*~

My weight as of this morning weigh-in is 110.5
YAY.
Today's fast should bring me down to 107.5
hopefully

~*~

Today all i have to do is go to church. Then i spending the rest of the day here. I could go out but, i love staying home and relaxing. I'm going to see Nightmare on Elm Street on Tuesday though so I'm excited for that. I <3 Freddy, too bad it's a new guy instead of Robert :( Let's hope he's just as good.

Anyway that's all for now.

Ana luv to you
Love,
~Riki Ana
Starve on

31 days

HOLY FUCK.

June 1st is 1 month away.

Today in honor of May 1st and being only 31 days until June 1st (*AKA* goal weight day) I am fasting. I don't really plan to stop. I really want to get past day 3 then just go as long as possible. then eat fruit for a couple days and fast again.

After day 3 of fasting your body no longer feels hunger. Anything you feel is supposed to be subconsciously. hmmm. I'll see about that.

I heard that popping pebto-bismal tablets and tums are supposed to cut down on the acid in your stomach which builds up when you don't eat which creates hunger. So no acid=no hunger?

Seems sketchy.
~*~

Anyway, this summer is going to be a constant spotlight on my body. My friend is having her Cinsinarea (SP) it's like a Spanish sweet 15.

So i have to wear a dress.

Then of course, the dreaded swimsuits.
O_o

~*~

Oh yea. I've been eating these things that are really good. Dole Mandarin oranges in those little containers. 80 cals a piece. YUM

Anyway that's all for now.

LOVE,
~Riki Ana

p.s. my bro has a new nick name for me. Squishy belly. Thanks bro. -_-

She's back!

OMG Kat's back. Yes, the same Kat from the blog we all loved. Quest for perfection. www.katproanaquest.blogspot.com She needs us to get her name back out there again. Be warned, her first post is what happened in the time she was gone. You'll see.

~*~

When i checked my email and saw that ^^^ i literally almost cried. Then after i read the first post i did cry. No a lot though. But wow. i don't really understand why, maybe it's like seeing a relative after a really long time. It was tears of joy.

In other news. I love you guys, i got up at 5:30 AM to post. so this post may sound tired.

I do NOT want to talk about the last two days. But in my promise to ALWAYS tell what happened i will.

Monday: binged. Badly.
Tuesday: *promised i'd do better* -LIE.
Wednesday: hate myself to the point of yelling at the mirror.

Today I'm going to be HARD restricting. It's only 2 more days of April. FUCK Then 1 month until summer. Double FUCK.

So these next two days aren't going to be fun. Then the 31 days of May are going to be hell. But you know what, i'm at the point where i want to lock myself in a room without food for the next 33 days. I'm toying around with the idea in my mind. If only a 33 day fast was possible. For me. *le sigh*

www.evacanfly.blogspot.com great fasting info. Go to the very beginning of her blog. She did a 30 day juice fast right ater a 2 or 3 day water fast.

So i think after these 2 days of hard restricting i'll try to fast for as long as possible. Then i'll hard restrict, then fast. get the pattern?

I pray i can do it.
~*~

Last night i was scared. I don't want to go to the beach. Especially in a bikini. But i really want to. I just need the body for it first. I wish i didn't procrastinate so much during the year.


well, that's all i have for now.
It's now 6:00 am.
And i love you!!!
Love,
~Riki Ana

FINALLY!

This week was SOO hectic. I got my grades and..... D:

well, sort of. A in English, B+ in Bio and a 69 in Algebra. Hehe 69. Anyway aside from teenager humor, it's time to get down to business

Last week sucked. Major ass.

This week will be my shining light though.

Starting tomorrow i will re-do Last weeks diet and PINKY PROMISE to stick to it. The entire week. Is it sad, the only way i get things done is to pinky promise them? ;)

My weight....I have no idea. I really have to pee tho so i'll edit the post later and fill you in. Last time i checked though it was 111 again but yesterday i went to my daddies and he gave us his AMAZING enchiladas. mmmm

It wasn't that bad though, since his g-friend is on a "healthy" eating diet she only buys organic, multi-grain, low sodium, etc.

So maybe i'll be happy with the number on the scale... prolly not though.
~*~

Today, i'm not really doing anything set. Mainly to-day is a get back to the swing of things day. My friends are coming over though, so that will be a test of strength. I'll pass though :)

First thing, i have to go do a clean up day for a school project thing. So that will burn cals. Then we are walking (yay! more cals burnt) then watching a movie. (they will be eating popcorn, me rice cakes :D )
Let me just say, i <3 rice cakes. They are the size of my friken palm and aren't the bad compared to what people say about them, and i usually end up drinking a bottle of water with it. So they are my new lover. Shh, don't tell the low-cal cereal.

So today, staying under 800-900 should be good.

~*~

To commenters, Sunny- I miss blogging everyday! It's just so hard to get to, with so many people in my house. In the beginning my sis had sports so she didn't even get home till 5:30 now she comes home right after school. But, :D , she's doing softball now so.... More time YAY!

Also, i have to be sneaky with this blog. It's hard being sneaky when your older bro is throwing a party in the downstairs. Which is where the computer is. Haha.

But i will try to update more often for all you guys as much as i can. <3

~*~

To everyone else, you are too kind! When i'm down in the dumps you guys dust me off and put right back where i should be! i love u!

~*~

DUN DUN DUNNNN! Summer! *gasp* it's almost may so 37 days, if my math is correct, untill JUNE 1ST. FUCK!

I need to be down to 95 by then.
I WILL be down to 95 by then.

Love,
~Riki Ana

Eatin's Cheaten

Bleh, i don't really want to describe what happened yesterday so i'll give you the gist of it.
-i ate :(
-i didn't sleep over :(
-it was hot as hell in my house :(
-But i had awesome dreams :D

Anyway my weight is...... 110.5

FUCK.

~*~
Shh, do you hear that?
Listen closely
....
There it was again!

Oh my god it's coming closer!

it's, it's

A FAST!!!!

~*~
Why yes, i did waste a couple seconds of your life making you read that introduction.

So yep, going to fast today. I don't really care at this point if it's going to suck.

It's already April 9th. What the hell! Spring break is over in 2 days. and I'm still at a fucking fat ass weight. FUCK.

Any of you gorgeous skinnies want to join? It's today and possibly tomorrow if my mom decides not to ruin my fasting plans.

~*~

Sorry for the shitty post. i litterly JUST woke up. I like getting the fast out there early so you read it before your breakfast or something.

Anyway,

I love you all<3
Ana luv to you
Starve on
Think Thin
Stay Strong

Love,
~Riki Ana!
xoxoxox

....i missed you

I missed you guys! Sorry i haven't been able to post, my teachers decided to be butt heads and give me a thousand tests right before spring break started. But now i can finally, RELAX! My weight is :( 108.5
Not bad, but not where i wanted to be right now.

Oh well, i have all this week to get back in the game, before school starts again.

Can i ask a question though? WHY DOES EVERY HOLIDAY INVOLVE FOOD! Gahh Now easter is tomorrow, and first i'm going to a party where, what else?, candy is going to be by the bucket load. Then after the party i'm going to my aunts for dinner, a big ass family dinner full of food, yummy food.......

.............

Ok i'm back.

I'll have my liter water bottle possible a Crystal light package inside to help curb my cravings and i'll be set. By the end of spring break i want to be at 102. 6lbs. Can i do it? Let's find out!
~*~

Thank god spring is here! I can finally go for walks without dying of frost bite. It's 75 during the day here usually. Ahhh warm weather! But you know what that means... *gulp* summer.

Oh yea, this summer i'm getting my belly button pierced too. So that means FLAT TUMMY IS NEEDED! Who wants a muffin top when all the attention is going to be on your belly!

That's all for now!

Love,
~Riki Ana!