Family Love

My mother is home on vacation this week. Which basically means its gonna be hell for anyone unlucky enough to be home. I don't know why she always feels the need to start fights with everyone. She never has a nice thing to say about anyone. Just stop being so cold hearted and full of hate. It is so poisonous.

My friend, lets call him SF, and I are getting more comfortable hooking up. I am so excited. I have been waiting 3 years for him to finally want me. This current situation is just fun and games, the real shit has not been acknowledged yet. I hope, for once, this turns out the way I want it too. But there is a voice in the back of my mind whispering 'Be careful what you wish for.'

Oh and I was reading the comments from a while back, and I noticed some hate. Okay everyone, get ready for this. If you have any problem with who I am, what I say, what I do, who I do, what I eat, how much/how little I eat, etc etc etc You can click that red X at the top of the screen and you will never have to see what I have to say EVER again! What a fantastic idea. I know, you're a special flower who deserves to be heard; and you must tell me your opinion on whatever rubbed you the wrong way. I get that, I really do. So type your heart out if you must, tell me my faults, tell me what I am doing wrong. Just a warning though, I could really care less what you think of me, random person on the internet. I digress.

I really want to quit smoking. I keep telling myself today is the day, not another puff. But then I give up the moment a craving hits. Like why am I so dependent on these stupid sticks of tobacco. Fucking nicotine.

Welp, I'm gonna go to try to be productive before work. I'm thinking about applying for a second job.

Love,
~Riki Ana

Perfection.

I miss my hip bones. I miss having a concave stomach. 

I repierced my belly button for some motivation. It will look cute once I get into shape. Thank god it's still chilly where I live. I am not ready to give up sweatshirts and leggings. 

I am not ready for short season. Not even because of my weight. Now my legs are adorned with scars on both my calves. My hips aren't too bad but they are there. And I'm sure in the bright sunlight they will be hard to miss. My ex boyfriend was very bothered about the scars. I personally do not mind them. My parents were disgusted by them. Their youngest child slicing open her own skin. I still crave it. I've been clean for a while though. I know I have the option to. I just tell myself, I'll do it later. And keep putting it off. For now, it is working. 

My mother has been a non stop nuisance . I love her, she is my mom after all and I have put her through a lot. But please stop hovering over me and asking me questions non stop. It is so annoying. Even my brother and sister are at their wits end. 

This is the end of my ramblings for today 

Love,

~Riki Ana